NIGRAOSITY

There is nothing like a Tyler Perry movie to start a week of great Nigraosity moments. This week is no exception my friends. Friday I figured I would take an extended lunch (longer than the usual extension) and pop into Potomac Yards to catch the 11:50am showing of The Family that Preys. I usually don’t do black implosion (LOOK IT UP) films on their first week out but I figured what the heck. It’s Friday. You ain’t got nothing to do. Surely the sanctified ghetto gospel warrior hand clapping screen shouters won’t be out this early. Right? So wrong! PURE NIGRAOSITY

I should have known when I pulled into the parking space and the couple next to me exiting a super soup Chevy PT Cruiser with the chrome package deluxe kept exchanging a litany of “this gone be good” that I was in for a NBC (national black caricature) primetime special. I refuse to even comment on the mans outfit of cleaners pressed funeral program worthy knee-ankle jeans with a fresh white tee a-la platinum chain (falling out at your desk laughing is appropriate now) with wifey in her Ashley Stewarts finest ensemble -4 sizes too small- I got to look my best since we “going out Virginia” . I simply refuse folks. Ten minutes after I take my seat I realized my grave miscalculation of the Nigra population when about 10 to 12 people trailed in complaining cause the movie had already started. Umm 11:50 wasn’t posted by the theater as a start time suggestion people. Needless to say I will have to see the movie again when it comes out on DVD. Because with all the clapping, “No she didn’t”, “hit that ho” talking back to the screen I couldn’t possibly began to hear what the movie was ACTUALLY about. PURE NIGRAOSITY

Hoping this was not an indicator of what my weekend would be like, I made plans to take the chillens to Hoops for the Homeless on Saturday. Unfortunately Nigras hate to disappoint. Between all them bad @ss chilrens and the women, who looked older than my grandmamma, dressed in stiletto boots and 9 inch platforms my soul was severely wounded (I simply REFUSE to discuss the appearance of YTs in their usual state of YT confusion, recycled jeans and Birkenstock footwear). First off the steps in the Verizon center are tricky. One false left and you going down! And why is it that some of us will put on Ho Stroll clothing at an event that CLEARLY is about the kids? WHY BIACH WHY? Note to my sisters. When every dimple, nook and cellulite cranny you have can be viewed through a pair of ‘denim’ jeans, it is time to let that $hit go! If your belly – all 3 OF THEM- hangs below your belt loops….you know what it’s no point in me even continuing this sentence cause them biaches old enough to know better. I shan’t and I shan’t. PURE NIGRAOSITY

Hemingway, by the time I left there – without getting a hug from Gilbert Arenas I might add – and made it to the Tree of Life birthday party at Ms. Ankle Britches (Ankles on Swole I should say, with her extra pregnant can I marry my baby daddy ass) house, I was done for. I simply sat. Ate. Drank 3 orange flavor check sodas (nothing like a ghetto orange soda) and it was a wrap! I couldn’t WAIT to get home and see my BBQ King so he could put a smile on my face. PURE NIGRAOSITY

My baby was waiting for me at the door with a big smile! If I hadn’t been so caught up in the gleam, my internal warning bells would have went off that this Nigra was WAY too happy to see me!! I should have known something was up from that fake @ss Uncle Ben smile. Lo and Behold this SUPA NIGRA went and accepted a catering job for 65 people for some turkey, lasagna, wings, collard greens, yams, mac & cheese, string beans, yellow rice etc. and said he was only charging $600 for it and said he would do the meat I just needed to do the other stuff. I told that needle point nigra he would be a yam shaving green picking field hand all night before I cooked all that $hit for $600. That nigra played Keith Sweat all night but he still got the same answer when the sun rose!!! Pure Nigraosity!!