The Cookout
Saturday started out pretty rough for me. I was already extremely tired from fixing my weave Friday night. By the time I finished sewing, cutting, shaping to get that natural look - God FORBID if I should emerge looking like Serena Williams. Somebody needs to kidnap that hefa and Puffy Pee Pee Diddy Mammy and tie they asses up somewhere together 'till a cure can be found. But I digress. It was 5:20am and I was beat.
Well Big Poppa happy to be Bar-B-Que King ass was up at 6am creating a bunch of racket. So I rolled out of bed to begin preparations for the cookout. We only do one or two cookouts per year as they can wear on my nerves!!! When you hear about my guests - you'll know why.
My girl Darcy was the first to arrive. She think she white so that explains the punctual thing. We said 2pm but regular black folks know that means 3:30 to 4 o'clock. My age advanced neighbor came - Ricky's invite, I would never expose the elderly to such foolishness. Then Ms. Mustafa herself arrived. LORD JESUS ON THE CROSS!!! She had on a new outfit and the personality was in full force. 'Ham Mercy.
Next our favorite couple of the ghetto - Ms. Sweet Thang and Big Daddy. Remember Sweet Daddy from Good Times; well picture him at about 200 lbs extra - sans gold tooth. Now Ms. Sweet Thang, that’s my girl. She sits back and observes everything then pronunces judgment in a loud What’s Happening Mama voice. Someone heard her big mouth @ss on the next street. Next came No Neck Nipsy with his friend Muscle Man Munch, Ms Carrabana herself along with the Jamaican Jerk Chicken of the month, Testy T and some others.
Well Mustafa sang and dance all in a fake Steven Segall movie Jamaican accent. She got a new Jamaican man, so now she's one? Testy T rolled her eyes until I was sure she would blind herself with those lashes. Carrabana was her usual it’s my world and you're just a nut I'm about to steam roll over. Fortunately Mustafa didn't pop her coochae in front of Carrabanas current flavor of the month, although she came pretty close. Gave me a flashback of what happened last time with the Prince of Zamunda and his Versace shirt. Umm umm umm real messy!!
As the spirits flowed so did the verbs. Carrabana proudly displayed how rude she could be. Mustafa called her mean & Carrabana told her to learn how to read No Neck gotta a lil out of line and Jamaican Jerk took 20 minutes to tell us one story we still didn't understand - Lord help him he tried.
But the highlight of the evening was Mustafa pontificating on how to keep her cootie cat fresh. Scented body oils from Jaheim in stall 523, labia soothing lotions, summers eve and last but not least - a peppermint in the pu$$y!!! LMAO!!
"Why not just try soap and water" touted Carrabana!!! Goodness gracious!! I thought Testy T was going to bust a blood vessel she laughed so hard
That’s why I don't have a lot of cookouts. You feed negroes a whole lot of good food and drink and they come to your house talking about their stank coochies!!! AS IF!!!
Well Big Poppa happy to be Bar-B-Que King ass was up at 6am creating a bunch of racket. So I rolled out of bed to begin preparations for the cookout. We only do one or two cookouts per year as they can wear on my nerves!!! When you hear about my guests - you'll know why.
My girl Darcy was the first to arrive. She think she white so that explains the punctual thing. We said 2pm but regular black folks know that means 3:30 to 4 o'clock. My age advanced neighbor came - Ricky's invite, I would never expose the elderly to such foolishness. Then Ms. Mustafa herself arrived. LORD JESUS ON THE CROSS!!! She had on a new outfit and the personality was in full force. 'Ham Mercy.
Next our favorite couple of the ghetto - Ms. Sweet Thang and Big Daddy. Remember Sweet Daddy from Good Times; well picture him at about 200 lbs extra - sans gold tooth. Now Ms. Sweet Thang, that’s my girl. She sits back and observes everything then pronunces judgment in a loud What’s Happening Mama voice. Someone heard her big mouth @ss on the next street. Next came No Neck Nipsy with his friend Muscle Man Munch, Ms Carrabana herself along with the Jamaican Jerk Chicken of the month, Testy T and some others.
Well Mustafa sang and dance all in a fake Steven Segall movie Jamaican accent. She got a new Jamaican man, so now she's one? Testy T rolled her eyes until I was sure she would blind herself with those lashes. Carrabana was her usual it’s my world and you're just a nut I'm about to steam roll over. Fortunately Mustafa didn't pop her coochae in front of Carrabanas current flavor of the month, although she came pretty close. Gave me a flashback of what happened last time with the Prince of Zamunda and his Versace shirt. Umm umm umm real messy!!
As the spirits flowed so did the verbs. Carrabana proudly displayed how rude she could be. Mustafa called her mean & Carrabana told her to learn how to read No Neck gotta a lil out of line and Jamaican Jerk took 20 minutes to tell us one story we still didn't understand - Lord help him he tried.
But the highlight of the evening was Mustafa pontificating on how to keep her cootie cat fresh. Scented body oils from Jaheim in stall 523, labia soothing lotions, summers eve and last but not least - a peppermint in the pu$$y!!! LMAO!!
"Why not just try soap and water" touted Carrabana!!! Goodness gracious!! I thought Testy T was going to bust a blood vessel she laughed so hard
That’s why I don't have a lot of cookouts. You feed negroes a whole lot of good food and drink and they come to your house talking about their stank coochies!!! AS IF!!!
posted by Ms G @ 7:16 AM
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