Phone Bill
Hello my friends. Lord, thought I was going to be in jail this morning instead of at work on these peoples computer. Testy T called my cell last night and in an amused tone asked:
"Ms. G, what is going on with your phone?"
"What do you mean" I ask.
"I called your house & all I heard was 'dun dung ding We're sorry but the number......"(you all know the sound)
"Well I guess Mr. Bar-B-Que King didn't pay the phone bill."
"What are you going to do?"
"Not a damn thing!" This is what I said aloud of course. But on the inside I was seething!!! I am going to slap some hair on top of his slick head when I get home!!! Got me looking like a welfare recipient after a big crab party on the first. Can have a 100 damn negroes over to eat and drink but cain't pay our bills.
I immediately dialed his cell phone. "Did you pay the phone bill?" I demanded
"Of course. The receipt is on the table" he replied.
Somewhat mollified (pull out your Webster all my special people), I hung up & continued my drive home. Sure enough the receipt was there. So I decided to call Verizon and see what the problem was.
Well that dang blasted automated system had me about to EXPLODE!!!!! "Please say this, please tell me that. You are not correct. Please enter this. Goodbye!" I must have called that thing at least 6 times only to be told that the business office was closed and "try your call again during business hours."
Never one to give up so easily, I remembered the repair number that they had way back when it was GTE. I dialed and got Miss Automation again, but I outwitted (leave your dictionary on your desk) her ass this time.
I finally got a live person asking me what was wrong with my phone.
"It won't work"
"Have you unplugged all equiptment - including computers for at least 5 minutes?"
Of course I knew the phone was disconnected for non-payment, not because it was broke. You see Mr King in his infinite (I TOLD YOU LEAVE THE DICTIONARY ON THE DESK) wisdom decided to pay the bill at Shoppers instead of going straight to Verizon. Now y'all know how ghetto Shoppers is. It will be a miracle if Verizon gets the money at all.
So I lied and said "Yeah. We did that. When friends try to call they get a recording".
So the woman checks the line & confirms that service was interrupted due to non-payment. I tell her I have the payment receipt and can she restore.
"I'm sorry Miss G, you will have to speak to the business office"
"Ok transfer me to them please"
"They are not open so you'll have to call during business hours"
"WHAT????? Well then how did they turn off the phone AFTER business hours?"
"Oh the system automatically does that"
"WELL THEN LET THE SYSTEM AUTOMATICALLY TURN ME BACK ON!!!! My alarm! SUPPOSE a killer breaks in here & tries to strangle me? I won't be able to call police! Mr. Bar-B-Que will more than likely run off & leave me to fight the killer and then it will be all Verizon's fault!!!"
This woman actually had the audacity (I know, I know the dictionary is heavy) to laugh at me!!! I didn't think that shit was funny and politely told her ass so before hanging up in her face. Hey, this was not free nights & weekends so my minutes were too precious to worry about saying goodbye.
I tossed and turned all night worrying about a killer breaking in and not being able to dial 911!!!! Plus I just know Mr. Bar-B-Que King would NOT save me. Last time that negro hid in the closet supposedly looking for some chuck sticks he ain't used in 20 years!!
I must have finally drifted off but what was rudely awakened by the phone at 7am.
"Ms. G, Ms G!!! I've been tryin to call you all night, GIRL You ain't pay your bills!!!"
"Dammit Bobby Brown!!! Didn't I tell your ass to stop calling here early in the morning. NO you cannot borrow my car, no gas money or my cell phone. You better make peace with Whitney & tell her your sister was just playing!!! Bye Bobby."
I could hear him shouting about how he was the King of R&B, would I be his tendoroni & some other such nonsense as I placed the phone back in the cradle. Leave it to a crack head to know your fininacial state before you do!!
"Ms. G, what is going on with your phone?"
"What do you mean" I ask.
"I called your house & all I heard was 'dun dung ding We're sorry but the number......"(you all know the sound)
"Well I guess Mr. Bar-B-Que King didn't pay the phone bill."
"What are you going to do?"
"Not a damn thing!" This is what I said aloud of course. But on the inside I was seething!!! I am going to slap some hair on top of his slick head when I get home!!! Got me looking like a welfare recipient after a big crab party on the first. Can have a 100 damn negroes over to eat and drink but cain't pay our bills.
I immediately dialed his cell phone. "Did you pay the phone bill?" I demanded
"Of course. The receipt is on the table" he replied.
Somewhat mollified (pull out your Webster all my special people), I hung up & continued my drive home. Sure enough the receipt was there. So I decided to call Verizon and see what the problem was.
Well that dang blasted automated system had me about to EXPLODE!!!!! "Please say this, please tell me that. You are not correct. Please enter this. Goodbye!" I must have called that thing at least 6 times only to be told that the business office was closed and "try your call again during business hours."
Never one to give up so easily, I remembered the repair number that they had way back when it was GTE. I dialed and got Miss Automation again, but I outwitted (leave your dictionary on your desk) her ass this time.
I finally got a live person asking me what was wrong with my phone.
"It won't work"
"Have you unplugged all equiptment - including computers for at least 5 minutes?"
Of course I knew the phone was disconnected for non-payment, not because it was broke. You see Mr King in his infinite (I TOLD YOU LEAVE THE DICTIONARY ON THE DESK) wisdom decided to pay the bill at Shoppers instead of going straight to Verizon. Now y'all know how ghetto Shoppers is. It will be a miracle if Verizon gets the money at all.
So I lied and said "Yeah. We did that. When friends try to call they get a recording".
So the woman checks the line & confirms that service was interrupted due to non-payment. I tell her I have the payment receipt and can she restore.
"I'm sorry Miss G, you will have to speak to the business office"
"Ok transfer me to them please"
"They are not open so you'll have to call during business hours"
"WHAT????? Well then how did they turn off the phone AFTER business hours?"
"Oh the system automatically does that"
"WELL THEN LET THE SYSTEM AUTOMATICALLY TURN ME BACK ON!!!! My alarm! SUPPOSE a killer breaks in here & tries to strangle me? I won't be able to call police! Mr. Bar-B-Que will more than likely run off & leave me to fight the killer and then it will be all Verizon's fault!!!"
This woman actually had the audacity (I know, I know the dictionary is heavy) to laugh at me!!! I didn't think that shit was funny and politely told her ass so before hanging up in her face. Hey, this was not free nights & weekends so my minutes were too precious to worry about saying goodbye.
I tossed and turned all night worrying about a killer breaking in and not being able to dial 911!!!! Plus I just know Mr. Bar-B-Que King would NOT save me. Last time that negro hid in the closet supposedly looking for some chuck sticks he ain't used in 20 years!!
I must have finally drifted off but what was rudely awakened by the phone at 7am.
"Ms. G, Ms G!!! I've been tryin to call you all night, GIRL You ain't pay your bills!!!"
"Dammit Bobby Brown!!! Didn't I tell your ass to stop calling here early in the morning. NO you cannot borrow my car, no gas money or my cell phone. You better make peace with Whitney & tell her your sister was just playing!!! Bye Bobby."
I could hear him shouting about how he was the King of R&B, would I be his tendoroni & some other such nonsense as I placed the phone back in the cradle. Leave it to a crack head to know your fininacial state before you do!!
posted by Ms G @ 11:53 PM
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