I'm Back

Hi Family!!! Missed Me? GREAT!!! Normally I would have more excuses than a Nigra going to jail about why I haven’t updated in a minute. But the truth of the matter is I just have NOT felt like telling yall my business and when I did feel like telling; I was just to damn lazy to get up and write. So there you have it. You know Ms G will always keep it real with my peeps.

Every since I went to Carabanas house and ate all the salmon, shrimp, peas & rice, mac&cheese, roast, chicken, potato salad and collard greens I could stuff into my body, I’ve been unable to move around much. Have you ever had food so good that you would deny your own mother –possibly Jesus – just to get another bite? The ancestors put the secret between her toes so she could put her foots in that food.

I honestly didn’t think anything would be able to bring me out of the lethargic state I’ve been in. I mean if a trip to Hechinger Mall on a Saturday – with every weave queen and her momma out – couldn’t do it …then…..? Sure I laughed at the Ghetto Grandpa Pimp with his gelled back cornrows leaning to the left in a 1985 Lexus Super Coupe. And we all know the plus size sistas in the super tight lycra are the staple of community comedy. But even that didn’t inspire my fingers to rise up and type a litany of “Why Must My People Be This Way!” Just as I was about to donate my laptop & close down my page the workplace came to the rescue!

Now some super super super SUPER special person decided to send out a flyer company wide posing as a reputed R&B sex offender – I better say alleged ‘fore they send somebody after me ‘cause yall know how the Rarrah Kells get down – talking about co-workers and they tight jeans, big foreheads, cheap pockets you name it! Ummm ‘ham mercy on my soul. I was APPALLED!! It was funny as hell and caused me to have a Depends moment but I was still appalled. So you know if I was appalled honey YT damn near had an epileptic fit up in this biach!!

Honey emergency meetings were held, email tracing software was purchased and the police were called. It was a MAJOR moment. Some pink faces were streaked red with tear stains. Of course all the colored employees were scared cause you know they was gone blame it on us. I mean after all half of the establishment didn’t know who R Kelly was. I took all the R Kelly songs off my computer. Losing my job is not an option & I know good and well R Kelly ain’t gone give me a damn dime.

Needless to say I have been on my best behavior for the past few days. I’ve cut my tardiness down to a ½ hour. I leave at 4pm instead of 3pm. Plus I have reduced my standard lunch hour from 12 to 3 down to 12 to 1:30. I don’t want Massa to have any excuses to put me off the plantation.

I’ve discreetly tried to find out who the culprit is but ain’t nobody talking on this one. Peoples is scared!!! I mean really afeared (Bigmama says that’s a word)! It’s just terrible having to walk around choking on laughter. We Nigras is scared to emuch smile to hard ‘fore they thinks we did it. This is interfering with my weekly supply collection of tissue, soap, bags and pens – THEY watching everything!!! Hopefully it will all die down soon. I’m trying to be optimistic but they holding on to this like Sharpton did to IMUS. Keep Hope Alive!!!