Lord Keep Me
People all I’m trying to do is live a good life and be free. That’s all I want. Don’t need a fancy car, super size house none of that stuff. Just my health, strength, family and love all from the Grace of God. But I swear I don’t know if it’s safe to look for it in the Metro D.C. area!!
I was minding my business this morning driving to work, tryna to be at least half way on time, when lo and behold I find myself in the middle of police action. No – not that fool in Forestville who shot at the FBI, but another fool in D.C. Unfortunately we got enough criminals to go round to make for a crime filled day no matter where you at. Hemingway – You know how those D.C. cops ride around with they lights flashing but not doing a damn thing? Well not THIS morning.
I’m driving down Minnesota Ave heading towards Pennsylvania near that elementary school when the officer driving next to me suddenly pulls ahead, slams on breaks & curves half way blocking the street. I immediately think they’re after me for whipping up on Kim Kardishan ass bout messing with my little Ray J! Totally ruined my plans to raise that boy - but that’s a whole ‘nother blog. But back to the Po Po. I slam on breaks & attempt to hide my 38 caliber in between my 40 DD’s – it’s STILL against the law to have a gun in D.C. (I know, I know stop laughing).
Officer Kojak Super Black jumps out the car with his tech 9 out the pocket & runs to the side of the road. Suddenly within a span of thirty seconds at least 7 police cars –plain & marked – are in the middle of the road, with officers jumping out guns in hand. LORD JESUS ON THE CROSS four times!!! I can hear the lady in the car behind me screaming and I wanna ask that Biach what the hell she screaming for – I’m first in the line of fire !! I fall to the floor of my truck clutching my pearls tightly while calling on the name of Jesus. The Po Pos is running all along the side of the road down into the trees hollering & carrying on. Then they run to the other side of the street doing the same shit. I say to myself no wonder D.C. cain’t catch no criminals and solve cases. Who would take them seriously with all this high heel drama rama going on. Gewd Lawd!!
As I cautiously lift my head I notice the other drivers have started going around & through the police car barricade. I think what the hell. I ain’t got time for this foolwangary anyhow. Shit I gots to get to work!!
When my black ass finally got to The Plantation I was so happy!! I had to thank the Lord for letting me make it safe without being a stray bullet ‘ugh oh oops’. I hopped on the elevator with a smile on my face & a brisk step in my stride - that is until I reached the 6th floor and saw that YT had gone crazy. Talk about complete chaos. All the field hands was walking in a line carrying boxes back & forth like some little ants. Ms Ankle Britches was sweating out her new pay day beauty shop perm murmuring something to herself about Hebrews & slaves (that girl listens to Steve Harvey way too much). The overseer had Peanut by the collar ordering him to be careful with Massa Martins ‘impotent’ thangs & that Slattery boy (where all my Gone With The Wind peoples at) was carrying boxes too hollering bout “Tain’t right I gots to march long sides the Nigras”.
And the director of this whole fiasco? You guessed it, Miss Cornbread & Butterbeans herself. That hormonal heffa will clean out a spot in less than 10 seconds and five years later you’ll still be searching for your shit. Just ask Massa Turtle. She even told Massas favorite house gurl (I suspect some bloodlines there) “Lil Missy if you not gone bend your back than lay it flat out of my way!” Hemingway – it seems all the commotion stems from Big Massa changing his will again. He done rearranged all the chillens positions and now they got to be in rooms that reflect how much they is to be in charge of. Who’s first, second, third and just hoping to get a chance in line or a seat at the table.
I spotted Tokyo and Ms BBB in conversation and deep laughter over the whole situation. When asked why they wasn’t working Ms BBB simplystuck out her chest, smiled and stated how Massa liked her & don’t wont her to injure nothing ‘important’. Tokyo just turned to me and said “My Eyes is Green!” Well if that ain’t the pride of being in the house.
As I turned to leave Ms. Cornbread & Butterbeans grabbed me by the arm and demanded to know why I wasn’t hauling boxes. Hmm hmm hmm, Lord Hab Mercy I went to moaning some old Negro spirituals cause I could feel Sofia in me coming out. My fists clenched at my side. My eyes rolled back in my head. My nostrils flared so wide you could see a freight train coming through. All I can say is thank God for Mr Celie. When he touched me & said breathe my queen. “I knowed there is a God!”
I KNOWED THERE IS A GOD!
I was minding my business this morning driving to work, tryna to be at least half way on time, when lo and behold I find myself in the middle of police action. No – not that fool in Forestville who shot at the FBI, but another fool in D.C. Unfortunately we got enough criminals to go round to make for a crime filled day no matter where you at. Hemingway – You know how those D.C. cops ride around with they lights flashing but not doing a damn thing? Well not THIS morning.
I’m driving down Minnesota Ave heading towards Pennsylvania near that elementary school when the officer driving next to me suddenly pulls ahead, slams on breaks & curves half way blocking the street. I immediately think they’re after me for whipping up on Kim Kardishan ass bout messing with my little Ray J! Totally ruined my plans to raise that boy - but that’s a whole ‘nother blog. But back to the Po Po. I slam on breaks & attempt to hide my 38 caliber in between my 40 DD’s – it’s STILL against the law to have a gun in D.C. (I know, I know stop laughing).
Officer Kojak Super Black jumps out the car with his tech 9 out the pocket & runs to the side of the road. Suddenly within a span of thirty seconds at least 7 police cars –plain & marked – are in the middle of the road, with officers jumping out guns in hand. LORD JESUS ON THE CROSS four times!!! I can hear the lady in the car behind me screaming and I wanna ask that Biach what the hell she screaming for – I’m first in the line of fire !! I fall to the floor of my truck clutching my pearls tightly while calling on the name of Jesus. The Po Pos is running all along the side of the road down into the trees hollering & carrying on. Then they run to the other side of the street doing the same shit. I say to myself no wonder D.C. cain’t catch no criminals and solve cases. Who would take them seriously with all this high heel drama rama going on. Gewd Lawd!!
As I cautiously lift my head I notice the other drivers have started going around & through the police car barricade. I think what the hell. I ain’t got time for this foolwangary anyhow. Shit I gots to get to work!!
When my black ass finally got to The Plantation I was so happy!! I had to thank the Lord for letting me make it safe without being a stray bullet ‘ugh oh oops’. I hopped on the elevator with a smile on my face & a brisk step in my stride - that is until I reached the 6th floor and saw that YT had gone crazy. Talk about complete chaos. All the field hands was walking in a line carrying boxes back & forth like some little ants. Ms Ankle Britches was sweating out her new pay day beauty shop perm murmuring something to herself about Hebrews & slaves (that girl listens to Steve Harvey way too much). The overseer had Peanut by the collar ordering him to be careful with Massa Martins ‘impotent’ thangs & that Slattery boy (where all my Gone With The Wind peoples at) was carrying boxes too hollering bout “Tain’t right I gots to march long sides the Nigras”.
And the director of this whole fiasco? You guessed it, Miss Cornbread & Butterbeans herself. That hormonal heffa will clean out a spot in less than 10 seconds and five years later you’ll still be searching for your shit. Just ask Massa Turtle. She even told Massas favorite house gurl (I suspect some bloodlines there) “Lil Missy if you not gone bend your back than lay it flat out of my way!” Hemingway – it seems all the commotion stems from Big Massa changing his will again. He done rearranged all the chillens positions and now they got to be in rooms that reflect how much they is to be in charge of. Who’s first, second, third and just hoping to get a chance in line or a seat at the table.
I spotted Tokyo and Ms BBB in conversation and deep laughter over the whole situation. When asked why they wasn’t working Ms BBB simplystuck out her chest, smiled and stated how Massa liked her & don’t wont her to injure nothing ‘important’. Tokyo just turned to me and said “My Eyes is Green!” Well if that ain’t the pride of being in the house.
As I turned to leave Ms. Cornbread & Butterbeans grabbed me by the arm and demanded to know why I wasn’t hauling boxes. Hmm hmm hmm, Lord Hab Mercy I went to moaning some old Negro spirituals cause I could feel Sofia in me coming out. My fists clenched at my side. My eyes rolled back in my head. My nostrils flared so wide you could see a freight train coming through. All I can say is thank God for Mr Celie. When he touched me & said breathe my queen. “I knowed there is a God!”
I KNOWED THERE IS A GOD!
posted by Ms G @ 1:11 AM
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