Black History Month
Yippeee!!! It’s Black History Month!!! My favorite time of the year! Now I get to go to all the preschools & kindergarten classes & watch all the lil chilrens dress up like Martin Luther King and Harriet Tubman. There will be speeches and slave reenactments. We’ll get to learn about all the black folks who invented something or ‘nother and teach our children to be Proud to Be BLACK!!! SAY IT LOUD! I’M BLACK AND I’M PROUD!!
Wait! Stop! Hold Up! Isn’t this what we SHOULD do all year? Shouldn’t Quanesha Shante teach Daequan Lorenzo Andontae Twonik something other than the Crip walk off the Snoop Dog video? Aren’t these kids supposed to know who invented the traffic light? Well you know Ms G is never one to criticize without performing a scientific study. So that’s what I did. No I did not take my ass out on the corner with a clipboard – it is too cold for all that. I decided to randomly call numbers in the phone book based on address & last names.
I started with the J’s. Jenkins, Jones, Jackson. Out of ten calls, 5 out of 10 respondents new Garrett Morgan invented the traffic light. Three out of 10 thought it was made by Thomas Edison – Don’t ask – and two out of 10 wanted to know why in the hell I was calling “they houses playing on the phone & shit”. All of the respondents wanted to know if I was from the Russ Parr show and if they were getting a prize.
Next I went to the W’s. Watkins, Williams and Waters. Out of ten calls, 9 out of 10 did not know the Kente cloth sold at Wal-Mart was really made in China. Ten out of 10 wanted to know what they won for answering the question – forget about getting shit right, these Nigras felt they was due a prize for participating. I see this as a direct result of not getting our 40 acres and mule!
My last group was the B’s. Brown, Blake, Bennett. Out of ten calls, 3 out of 10 respondents knew that February 1, 1960 was the start of the Greensboro sit ins by four North Carolina A&T students. Five out of 10 wanted to know what a ‘sit in’ was. And nine out of 10 wanted to know what they had won. They all became angry after I said ‘knowledge’. One lady even threatened to report me to Verizons’ harassment call line since I didn’t have any prizes. She said I was “purpletrating a fraudg”.
After these calls you must understand I was quite despondent. We didn’t know OURstory! We’ve been fed HIStory for so long, that we’d lost ourselves. I knew something had to be done. I dusted off my authentic Kente robe of wisdom. Lit my mind clearing great thoughts shea butter candles and began to chant to the ancestors. Searching, asking for an answer to this dilemma.
“Ms G – shabbach shabbang shabboo. It is up to you to teach the peoples. You must forsake all worldly pleasures and feed the people the knowledge of their pasts”
“Oh how can I do that, O’ great and wise ancestor?” I asked
“You must buy all the black history books and games you can and give them to the people at base of the National Monument.”
“Yeah but the people will not come. It is cold outside.”
“If you say ‘Free Food & Beverages’ then they will come.” After her reply the great ancestor vanished and I was left with a disturbing thought. I have no money to provide free food, beverages not to mention buying all those books and shit. Maybe I will ask Oprah. No cain’t do that. She just built that school. I’ll ask Puffy, Russell, Kimora and 50cents. Hell who am I kidding? Them Nigras ain’t even giving up no duckets for the King Memorial.
Then it struck me. To whom much is given much is required. Charity starts at home. Before I approach others, I must first sacrifice. Therefore I have decided to forego attending the Black Bowl –oops I meant Super Bowl- and will use funds to buy black history materials. I wonder if Pookies’ Emporium will give me my money back for this weave.
Wait! Stop! Hold Up! Isn’t this what we SHOULD do all year? Shouldn’t Quanesha Shante teach Daequan Lorenzo Andontae Twonik something other than the Crip walk off the Snoop Dog video? Aren’t these kids supposed to know who invented the traffic light? Well you know Ms G is never one to criticize without performing a scientific study. So that’s what I did. No I did not take my ass out on the corner with a clipboard – it is too cold for all that. I decided to randomly call numbers in the phone book based on address & last names.
I started with the J’s. Jenkins, Jones, Jackson. Out of ten calls, 5 out of 10 respondents new Garrett Morgan invented the traffic light. Three out of 10 thought it was made by Thomas Edison – Don’t ask – and two out of 10 wanted to know why in the hell I was calling “they houses playing on the phone & shit”. All of the respondents wanted to know if I was from the Russ Parr show and if they were getting a prize.
Next I went to the W’s. Watkins, Williams and Waters. Out of ten calls, 9 out of 10 did not know the Kente cloth sold at Wal-Mart was really made in China. Ten out of 10 wanted to know what they won for answering the question – forget about getting shit right, these Nigras felt they was due a prize for participating. I see this as a direct result of not getting our 40 acres and mule!
My last group was the B’s. Brown, Blake, Bennett. Out of ten calls, 3 out of 10 respondents knew that February 1, 1960 was the start of the Greensboro sit ins by four North Carolina A&T students. Five out of 10 wanted to know what a ‘sit in’ was. And nine out of 10 wanted to know what they had won. They all became angry after I said ‘knowledge’. One lady even threatened to report me to Verizons’ harassment call line since I didn’t have any prizes. She said I was “purpletrating a fraudg”.
After these calls you must understand I was quite despondent. We didn’t know OURstory! We’ve been fed HIStory for so long, that we’d lost ourselves. I knew something had to be done. I dusted off my authentic Kente robe of wisdom. Lit my mind clearing great thoughts shea butter candles and began to chant to the ancestors. Searching, asking for an answer to this dilemma.
“Ms G – shabbach shabbang shabboo. It is up to you to teach the peoples. You must forsake all worldly pleasures and feed the people the knowledge of their pasts”
“Oh how can I do that, O’ great and wise ancestor?” I asked
“You must buy all the black history books and games you can and give them to the people at base of the National Monument.”
“Yeah but the people will not come. It is cold outside.”
“If you say ‘Free Food & Beverages’ then they will come.” After her reply the great ancestor vanished and I was left with a disturbing thought. I have no money to provide free food, beverages not to mention buying all those books and shit. Maybe I will ask Oprah. No cain’t do that. She just built that school. I’ll ask Puffy, Russell, Kimora and 50cents. Hell who am I kidding? Them Nigras ain’t even giving up no duckets for the King Memorial.
Then it struck me. To whom much is given much is required. Charity starts at home. Before I approach others, I must first sacrifice. Therefore I have decided to forego attending the Black Bowl –oops I meant Super Bowl- and will use funds to buy black history materials. I wonder if Pookies’ Emporium will give me my money back for this weave.
posted by Ms G @ 6:00 AM
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