Still Called the Blues
“Party on a Saturday. Go to church on Sunday. Fun leaves you because, you got to go back to work on Monday. Anyway you look at it. Still called the blues.”
Now I know what Johnny Taylor was talking about when he sang that line. Ms G has had one of those weekends. I had some drinks on Friday, a party on Saturday and the Holy Ghost on Sunday. Brought my tired ass to work on Monday.
I had Strawberry Shortcake come over Saturday to host one of her fun filled adult novelty parties. Ms G was simply amazed at the amount of items she had to make your man want you. I mean I’m an old fashioned type of girl but I had to buy some of that super mint cream myself. Umm ummm umm that stuff is something. BBQ King gone be home ery Friday night from now on!!
Mustafa came over – yall remember her, my sista-n-law – and all I can say is either she read the invitation wrong or she’s been hanging around the Rasta’s too long and cain’t think past the weed cloud. That girl came in some fishnets, stiletto black pleather boots and a bustier with silver shiny shimmy stuff on the front. You talk about a hot moment of silence!!! I said “Girl this is a Toy party not a Costume party!” She claimed that she went to an earlier event that she wanted to look sexy for. I wanted to tell her at 200 plus pounds, you cain’t look sexy squeezed into no top that’s about to puncture your lungs. But I let it ride. I mean who am I to rain on her parade? Hemingway by the end of the night she was hopping out the door like a broke pimp had beat her ass down for her last $2 trick money. She left her boot heal stuck in my tile to prove. Limped her ass all the way through the parking lot.
Island Isadora even showed up & Ms G ain’t seeent her in some years. She still the same though. Was cuttin up from the moment she walked in. Ate up the chicken & deviled eggs like she was at KFC and laughing in that singsong voice that makes you want to take a cruise to her homeland. That girl bought all kinds of gadgets & gizmos & stuff. And she single. Honey Ms G must have missed something when I was out there. Umm umm umm. She needs stock in Duracell.
Shortcake had some kind of contraption called the mini butterfly something or nother & needed a volunteer to try it on. For demonstration purposes. So since it was my house, I figured I should be the demonstratee (see Ms G’s dictionary of slang). I slid my legs into it & before I could get my bearings she turned it on. That shit had me shaking & jerking & falling all across the floor like Isaiah Washington had called me a name. When I finally got a loose I jumped up & slapped her cross the eye with a pate filled cracker. Ms G did NOT think that shit was funny. All the guests were laughing & carrying on so, that I politely put they asses out! Ery last one of them out the door. They had to make their purchases from the back of Shortcakes Lexus truck.
Mama told me that’s what I get for letting the devils foolishness come into my living quarters. I didn’t think it was the devil but I agreed to find the nearest saint filled, preaching teaching church I could Sunday morning.
Sunday morning I made my way down to Rhode Island & 2nd street to Mt Pleasant. I had heard about Pastor Streeter and how he could lay the word on you. I was feeling so guilty ‘cause I just knew I was wearing my sins from the night before all over my forehead. Honey that minister got up there & I swear he must have been peeking in my window the night before.
“Some of you trying to fake it till you make it. You lead a double life. Sit in the church all smiles, sanging all holy & can quote scripture verbatim. But ooooooooooohh when you pass through the church doors, your skirts get shorter & shorter. You got boyfriends & girlfriends outside your marriage. You entertain all manners of foolishness in your homes hhhaaaa!”
At this point the choir starts moaning & the next thing I know I’m falling at the alter confessing about the mini butterfly. This started a chain reaction. Sistas was in there throwing all kinds of plastic and oils and such out of they purses begging for forgiveness. Umm ummm ummm. Who knew there were so many loose women in the church? Honey Ms G got redemption & promised not to cut up no more like the brothers do when they get to prison.
When it was all said and done I was drained. The collard greens, mac & cheese, and baked chicken dinner down in the church basement helped me recover somewhat. Honey it ain’t nothing like getting fed in the Lords house! I went home and prepared myself for work on Monday. Tired but a new woman. Till I walked my ass into work Monday morning and saw all the files my boss had left on my desk. I know I’ma have to pray extra hard next Sunday for all the cussing I did when I saw that shit!!!
Now I know what Johnny Taylor was talking about when he sang that line. Ms G has had one of those weekends. I had some drinks on Friday, a party on Saturday and the Holy Ghost on Sunday. Brought my tired ass to work on Monday.
I had Strawberry Shortcake come over Saturday to host one of her fun filled adult novelty parties. Ms G was simply amazed at the amount of items she had to make your man want you. I mean I’m an old fashioned type of girl but I had to buy some of that super mint cream myself. Umm ummm umm that stuff is something. BBQ King gone be home ery Friday night from now on!!
Mustafa came over – yall remember her, my sista-n-law – and all I can say is either she read the invitation wrong or she’s been hanging around the Rasta’s too long and cain’t think past the weed cloud. That girl came in some fishnets, stiletto black pleather boots and a bustier with silver shiny shimmy stuff on the front. You talk about a hot moment of silence!!! I said “Girl this is a Toy party not a Costume party!” She claimed that she went to an earlier event that she wanted to look sexy for. I wanted to tell her at 200 plus pounds, you cain’t look sexy squeezed into no top that’s about to puncture your lungs. But I let it ride. I mean who am I to rain on her parade? Hemingway by the end of the night she was hopping out the door like a broke pimp had beat her ass down for her last $2 trick money. She left her boot heal stuck in my tile to prove. Limped her ass all the way through the parking lot.
Island Isadora even showed up & Ms G ain’t seeent her in some years. She still the same though. Was cuttin up from the moment she walked in. Ate up the chicken & deviled eggs like she was at KFC and laughing in that singsong voice that makes you want to take a cruise to her homeland. That girl bought all kinds of gadgets & gizmos & stuff. And she single. Honey Ms G must have missed something when I was out there. Umm umm umm. She needs stock in Duracell.
Shortcake had some kind of contraption called the mini butterfly something or nother & needed a volunteer to try it on. For demonstration purposes. So since it was my house, I figured I should be the demonstratee (see Ms G’s dictionary of slang). I slid my legs into it & before I could get my bearings she turned it on. That shit had me shaking & jerking & falling all across the floor like Isaiah Washington had called me a name. When I finally got a loose I jumped up & slapped her cross the eye with a pate filled cracker. Ms G did NOT think that shit was funny. All the guests were laughing & carrying on so, that I politely put they asses out! Ery last one of them out the door. They had to make their purchases from the back of Shortcakes Lexus truck.
Mama told me that’s what I get for letting the devils foolishness come into my living quarters. I didn’t think it was the devil but I agreed to find the nearest saint filled, preaching teaching church I could Sunday morning.
Sunday morning I made my way down to Rhode Island & 2nd street to Mt Pleasant. I had heard about Pastor Streeter and how he could lay the word on you. I was feeling so guilty ‘cause I just knew I was wearing my sins from the night before all over my forehead. Honey that minister got up there & I swear he must have been peeking in my window the night before.
“Some of you trying to fake it till you make it. You lead a double life. Sit in the church all smiles, sanging all holy & can quote scripture verbatim. But ooooooooooohh when you pass through the church doors, your skirts get shorter & shorter. You got boyfriends & girlfriends outside your marriage. You entertain all manners of foolishness in your homes hhhaaaa!”
At this point the choir starts moaning & the next thing I know I’m falling at the alter confessing about the mini butterfly. This started a chain reaction. Sistas was in there throwing all kinds of plastic and oils and such out of they purses begging for forgiveness. Umm ummm ummm. Who knew there were so many loose women in the church? Honey Ms G got redemption & promised not to cut up no more like the brothers do when they get to prison.
When it was all said and done I was drained. The collard greens, mac & cheese, and baked chicken dinner down in the church basement helped me recover somewhat. Honey it ain’t nothing like getting fed in the Lords house! I went home and prepared myself for work on Monday. Tired but a new woman. Till I walked my ass into work Monday morning and saw all the files my boss had left on my desk. I know I’ma have to pray extra hard next Sunday for all the cussing I did when I saw that shit!!!
posted by Ms G @ 10:57 PM
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