Thanks to all my fans for the nasty emails & phone calls I have received. ‘Preciate it. After all you clowns are paying me for your daily dose of fun & I should be on my job!! Whatever Knee-Grows!!
The truth is I’ve been so busy with Secret Santa at work till Ms G ain’t had time for nothing else. It’s so much fun!! But please understand Knee-Grow Secret Santa & YT Secret Santa is TWO totally different types. YT will give you really nice gift certificates, candies, chocolates, Lenox ornaments – you know, shit like that. My peoples!!! Lawd Jesus on the Cross, Ms G don’t know where to begin to explain.
We supposed to receive our shit at the beginning of the day, well of course the first day & my shit was late (knee-grows & CP time). Then when I finally got my box, it looked like it had already been someone else’s. Now See!!! I picked it up & frantically pulled the tissue paper – all crumbled from previous use – to see what goodies were in store. A small can of ‘Del Monte Lite Fruit Cocktail’, some peppermints, a checkers key chain & some cough drops. WTF? Is this some sort of hidden message? Loose weight & brush your teeth biach? Now you know Ms G was heated but I decided to find the bright side. At least they got Del Monte; they could’ve just bought the Shoppers store brand.
The next day I decided not to get my hopes up. Lowered expectations leads to less disappointment. I was pleasantly surprised though to get a nice orange, Christmas coffee mug (dollar store ‘fo sho) some gum (I gotta stop eating garlic) and candy canes. While I was peeling my orange, Ms BBB & Ankle Britches walk over with their goodies. Someone had given BBB a training bra (they missed the memo on her Pam Anderson 2 for 1 special) & Ankle a curling iron (she is the kitchen hairdo queen). I fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard. While we were busy laughing some kind of commotion was going on out in the hallway.
We ran to the door and found Ms Yaki Perm Straight running for her damn life. She pushed me out the way & went and hopped under my desk. Coming behind her was a big angry looking brotha with a hammer in his hand. Ankle Britches ran & BBB fell to her knees screaming for Jesus (now that’s a first). Now yall know Ms G don’t play that scared shit. I quickly jumped into Madea mode & called on all the powers of Bigmama to slow this fool in his tracks
“We got a problem here? Huh? Is there a problem here?” I asked with all the bravado of my hero Ice Cube. Yall remember that from Boyz-N-The-Hood? I was classic Cube complete with hands in the air & pistol in the rubber waistband of my pants (had to buy rubber waist after thanksgiving).
Well it seems Secret Santa thought it would be nice to buy his wife, Yaki Perm Straight, some flavored body sauces, sex coupons, vibrating jelly rings etc - LORD WHY? WHY? WHY? Knee-Grows always gotta take shit too far. Who-so-never pulled Yaki Perm name know damn well you don’t give that to folks in the workplace. Umm umm umm...
Hemingway -Hater Hubby wanted to know where was Al B Sure, the man who they thought had pulled his wife’s name & why in the hell was he giving her sex items. It seems Yaki Perm had gone home worried & concerned about the gifts. She also assumed they were from Al. B. Sure A.K.A. Gheri Curl bandit. Now her dumb ass know better. Some people just special. I tried calming homie down & it was starting to work until Al B Sure came whistling down the hall. Hater Hubby pushed me upside the head so hard, I fell into the wall with my feet swinging in the air. The entire time Yaki Perm still got her dumb ass under my desk screaming & carrying on like a damn fool. When I roll up off this floor I’m going to slap the glue off her scalp!!
Luckily Ankle Britches had gone for reinforcements when her scary ass ran away. Peanut ‘nem ran up just in time to save Al B from the hammer. They tackled Hater Hubby to the ground and rolled his ass to the elevator. I ran to my desk & snatched Yaki Perm up. That nappy neck heffa was still crying & carrying on. I slapped her right in the mouth & told her to shut up all that hollering & screaming. Hell she ought to be glad somebody gave her some sex-it-up gifts with the way she & Hater Hubby were looking. That’s probably why he was so damn mad he ain’t been getting none & thinks she giving it to someone else. I quickly set an appointment for them to go to counseling with Tipster. After all if she’s pregnant then she definitely can give pointers on how to revive your love life.
Next year I am participating in the YT side of the office Secret Santa. That way I can get some nice presents & get them on time without drama.
The truth is I’ve been so busy with Secret Santa at work till Ms G ain’t had time for nothing else. It’s so much fun!! But please understand Knee-Grow Secret Santa & YT Secret Santa is TWO totally different types. YT will give you really nice gift certificates, candies, chocolates, Lenox ornaments – you know, shit like that. My peoples!!! Lawd Jesus on the Cross, Ms G don’t know where to begin to explain.
We supposed to receive our shit at the beginning of the day, well of course the first day & my shit was late (knee-grows & CP time). Then when I finally got my box, it looked like it had already been someone else’s. Now See!!! I picked it up & frantically pulled the tissue paper – all crumbled from previous use – to see what goodies were in store. A small can of ‘Del Monte Lite Fruit Cocktail’, some peppermints, a checkers key chain & some cough drops. WTF? Is this some sort of hidden message? Loose weight & brush your teeth biach? Now you know Ms G was heated but I decided to find the bright side. At least they got Del Monte; they could’ve just bought the Shoppers store brand.
The next day I decided not to get my hopes up. Lowered expectations leads to less disappointment. I was pleasantly surprised though to get a nice orange, Christmas coffee mug (dollar store ‘fo sho) some gum (I gotta stop eating garlic) and candy canes. While I was peeling my orange, Ms BBB & Ankle Britches walk over with their goodies. Someone had given BBB a training bra (they missed the memo on her Pam Anderson 2 for 1 special) & Ankle a curling iron (she is the kitchen hairdo queen). I fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard. While we were busy laughing some kind of commotion was going on out in the hallway.
We ran to the door and found Ms Yaki Perm Straight running for her damn life. She pushed me out the way & went and hopped under my desk. Coming behind her was a big angry looking brotha with a hammer in his hand. Ankle Britches ran & BBB fell to her knees screaming for Jesus (now that’s a first). Now yall know Ms G don’t play that scared shit. I quickly jumped into Madea mode & called on all the powers of Bigmama to slow this fool in his tracks
“We got a problem here? Huh? Is there a problem here?” I asked with all the bravado of my hero Ice Cube. Yall remember that from Boyz-N-The-Hood? I was classic Cube complete with hands in the air & pistol in the rubber waistband of my pants (had to buy rubber waist after thanksgiving).
Well it seems Secret Santa thought it would be nice to buy his wife, Yaki Perm Straight, some flavored body sauces, sex coupons, vibrating jelly rings etc - LORD WHY? WHY? WHY? Knee-Grows always gotta take shit too far. Who-so-never pulled Yaki Perm name know damn well you don’t give that to folks in the workplace. Umm umm umm...
Hemingway -Hater Hubby wanted to know where was Al B Sure, the man who they thought had pulled his wife’s name & why in the hell was he giving her sex items. It seems Yaki Perm had gone home worried & concerned about the gifts. She also assumed they were from Al. B. Sure A.K.A. Gheri Curl bandit. Now her dumb ass know better. Some people just special. I tried calming homie down & it was starting to work until Al B Sure came whistling down the hall. Hater Hubby pushed me upside the head so hard, I fell into the wall with my feet swinging in the air. The entire time Yaki Perm still got her dumb ass under my desk screaming & carrying on like a damn fool. When I roll up off this floor I’m going to slap the glue off her scalp!!
Luckily Ankle Britches had gone for reinforcements when her scary ass ran away. Peanut ‘nem ran up just in time to save Al B from the hammer. They tackled Hater Hubby to the ground and rolled his ass to the elevator. I ran to my desk & snatched Yaki Perm up. That nappy neck heffa was still crying & carrying on. I slapped her right in the mouth & told her to shut up all that hollering & screaming. Hell she ought to be glad somebody gave her some sex-it-up gifts with the way she & Hater Hubby were looking. That’s probably why he was so damn mad he ain’t been getting none & thinks she giving it to someone else. I quickly set an appointment for them to go to counseling with Tipster. After all if she’s pregnant then she definitely can give pointers on how to revive your love life.
Next year I am participating in the YT side of the office Secret Santa. That way I can get some nice presents & get them on time without drama.
posted by Ms G @ 2:28 AM
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