Ho Hum Holidays
Hello Family!!! Ya’ll miss me? Good! Maybe now you’ll show your appreciation by sending me some damn donations. At the rate things are going at work, Ms G gone need all the change she can get. Things are so tight we aren’t having a big Christmas party this year! This does not bode well for our end of the year bonus checks.
This year we’re having group luncheons. Okay not bad right? Well……..not too bad. Our group organizer, Ms Indispensable, sent word that we would travel to our group gourmet luncheon via luxury transportation on event date. OOOOOOOHHHHH LUXURY!!! Ms G loves herself some luxury. On morning of GOURMET luncheon, I put on my best Macy’s clearance rack plus size sweater, my stylish high-leg gauchos, and knee length boots – hey Ms G knows her fashion. I only had crackers for breakfast as I wanted my stomach to be well able to accommodate all the good gourmet grub I was going to get. Ms BBB, Ankle Britches and Young K. Him all skipped breakfast. They weren’t leaving anything to chance. You know how folks are when it’s a free meal, honey hush.
Hemingway – We head out to the courtyard to await our luxury ride. Five minutes go by, no ride. Ten minutes go by, no ride. At this point my knee caps are frozen, cold wind is blowing up my pant legs & my lips are extra chapped!!!! But it’s a free meal, so I’ll endure. The ride finally shows up (on CP time of course) & it’s just the regular shuttle bus the building provides. I was all prepared for a stretch limo. Oh well, a ride is a ride – and it was free. I hop on the mini-bus & head for the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know Rosa Parks liberated us so we could sit up front. But those of you in the know KNOW what Madea said about Rosa & “Get off the Bus” Besides you have the most fun in the back.
We roll down to the old section of town & to my dismay the bus drops us 3 blocks from our destination. Is this ho crazy? Its 25 degrees outside! My people walked enough out here in the cold building this damn city & laying all these bricks in the streets & now she dropping us damn near a mile from where we need to be!!!! My knee bones already hurt. I looked over at Ms BBB and she was about to topple over right on her Pamela Anderson 2 for 1 specials. Obviously she read the memo wrong about our luncheon location as she was dressed for an evening at the Skylark – complete with stiletto boots & all. YK didn’t even have on a jacket, just a classic JR Ewing sweater vest. Boy stop playing!!! The only one of us who had sense enough to put on some clothes was Ms Ankle Britches, sporting her daughter’s doo doo brown corduroys. She was outdated but warm.
We finally make it & get seated in a private dining room. I look at the menu & you have a choice between soup or salad, pork chops, filet mignon on toasted muffin with cheese (shit I could get that at Capitol Carry Out), and a crab cake. Against my better judgment I pick the crab cake. My first instinct was the pork chop but you know how knee-grows are when it comes to seafood. Of course YK always gotta take shit too far with his straight southeast ass. He tells the waitress to bring not 1 but 2 sides of asparagus. Of course this throws Lil Becky Ann completely for a loop with her confused ass. She politely informs him that this will be extra. He grandly waves his hand to indicate it’s not a problem since “they’re paying for it”. Ummm ummm ummm I hate to see his bonus check. Any who, the salad was great! The crab cake needed some seasoning like you wouldn’t believe. They ain’t no Mo’s or G&M for ‘sho!!
We sat around making falsely amusing conversation, eating unseasoned meat & wishing for some liquor. I mean that’s the whole point of a holiday work party right? To sit back and watch folks get liquored up & act a fool. What else are we going to laugh about in the cold Jan & Feb months? Ms G really needed a cocktail but it may have been a good thing since I was sitting perilously close to our department boss. I could see Mr. Martin happily firing my black ass & having me escorted from the building.
In the end the chocolate cake made up for everything & it turned out to be lots of fun. After all your coworkers really are your second family & you should enjoy them. I’ll save my liquor dreams for Lady Carabana’s party next week. NOW that’s a party.
This year we’re having group luncheons. Okay not bad right? Well……..not too bad. Our group organizer, Ms Indispensable, sent word that we would travel to our group gourmet luncheon via luxury transportation on event date. OOOOOOOHHHHH LUXURY!!! Ms G loves herself some luxury. On morning of GOURMET luncheon, I put on my best Macy’s clearance rack plus size sweater, my stylish high-leg gauchos, and knee length boots – hey Ms G knows her fashion. I only had crackers for breakfast as I wanted my stomach to be well able to accommodate all the good gourmet grub I was going to get. Ms BBB, Ankle Britches and Young K. Him all skipped breakfast. They weren’t leaving anything to chance. You know how folks are when it’s a free meal, honey hush.
Hemingway – We head out to the courtyard to await our luxury ride. Five minutes go by, no ride. Ten minutes go by, no ride. At this point my knee caps are frozen, cold wind is blowing up my pant legs & my lips are extra chapped!!!! But it’s a free meal, so I’ll endure. The ride finally shows up (on CP time of course) & it’s just the regular shuttle bus the building provides. I was all prepared for a stretch limo. Oh well, a ride is a ride – and it was free. I hop on the mini-bus & head for the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know Rosa Parks liberated us so we could sit up front. But those of you in the know KNOW what Madea said about Rosa & “Get off the Bus” Besides you have the most fun in the back.
We roll down to the old section of town & to my dismay the bus drops us 3 blocks from our destination. Is this ho crazy? Its 25 degrees outside! My people walked enough out here in the cold building this damn city & laying all these bricks in the streets & now she dropping us damn near a mile from where we need to be!!!! My knee bones already hurt. I looked over at Ms BBB and she was about to topple over right on her Pamela Anderson 2 for 1 specials. Obviously she read the memo wrong about our luncheon location as she was dressed for an evening at the Skylark – complete with stiletto boots & all. YK didn’t even have on a jacket, just a classic JR Ewing sweater vest. Boy stop playing!!! The only one of us who had sense enough to put on some clothes was Ms Ankle Britches, sporting her daughter’s doo doo brown corduroys. She was outdated but warm.
We finally make it & get seated in a private dining room. I look at the menu & you have a choice between soup or salad, pork chops, filet mignon on toasted muffin with cheese (shit I could get that at Capitol Carry Out), and a crab cake. Against my better judgment I pick the crab cake. My first instinct was the pork chop but you know how knee-grows are when it comes to seafood. Of course YK always gotta take shit too far with his straight southeast ass. He tells the waitress to bring not 1 but 2 sides of asparagus. Of course this throws Lil Becky Ann completely for a loop with her confused ass. She politely informs him that this will be extra. He grandly waves his hand to indicate it’s not a problem since “they’re paying for it”. Ummm ummm ummm I hate to see his bonus check. Any who, the salad was great! The crab cake needed some seasoning like you wouldn’t believe. They ain’t no Mo’s or G&M for ‘sho!!
We sat around making falsely amusing conversation, eating unseasoned meat & wishing for some liquor. I mean that’s the whole point of a holiday work party right? To sit back and watch folks get liquored up & act a fool. What else are we going to laugh about in the cold Jan & Feb months? Ms G really needed a cocktail but it may have been a good thing since I was sitting perilously close to our department boss. I could see Mr. Martin happily firing my black ass & having me escorted from the building.
In the end the chocolate cake made up for everything & it turned out to be lots of fun. After all your coworkers really are your second family & you should enjoy them. I’ll save my liquor dreams for Lady Carabana’s party next week. NOW that’s a party.
posted by Ms G @ 1:26 AM
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