Love & Aging!!

Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday Ms. Geeeeeeeeee. Happy Birthday to me. L.O.L.

Yes people I’ve reached a milestone. The ripe old age of 35!!! YIPPEEEE!!!! All this aging & birthdaying got me to thinking. Will I chase after younger men now? (Mr. King if you are reading this I am just playing!! For entertainment purposes only!!) Will I get more offers from older men? What is with this phenom of older/younger lover? Is it new or just noticed? Hmmm let me pontificate.

My girl Chocolate Fantasy got her not one but two - yes TWO young hot tree trunk slinging Mandingos (I know, I know but what else can I call them?). Miss Chocolate is strongly pushing fifty but could easily pass for a soft forty. Well one of her younglings held her hostage this weekend. 6 feet 5 inches 300 pounds of nothing but pure man!!!!! LORD HAM MERCY!!! That happy heifer been skipping her well done ass around the office all week!!!

Ms. BBB has an older salt&pepper man leaving her messages like “I’m leaving you two messages just in case you don’t get the first one, you’ll have a second one. It’s been a whole 17 hours since we last spoke” WTF is that all about? He can’t wait to get in him some young hot stuff. I’m quite sure she gone burn his lil grey ass up too!! I told that girl last week to gone to the clinic & get them pills.

Lady Carabana has been harassed all year by the 21 & up crowd. They constantly harp on how she doesn’t look the 40 plus something she is. I have to admit she does look well especially up against these crack aged wore out ashy ankles busted knee caps disease trap “young things” walking around. Of course I would never tell her that. Carabana’s ego is already out of control. I would have to strap that heifer to a gas can & set her eyelashes on fire to tell her she ain’t the shit.

So which combo works best? Younger man / older woman or older man / younger woman? This obviously required a clinical test and who better to perform such an intense scientific examination than yours truly.

I decided to try the older man/younger woman scenario first. I called up Harvey (names & identifying characteristics have been changed in case y’all know him) and took him up on his date offer. The po man been asking me for over a year but I just couldn’t see it. But hey anything in the name of scientific clarification.

Hemingway – We meet at Ruby Tuesdays in Pentagon City. Strike one for old man, he should know better. He’s all touchy feely & trying to kiss. Strike two!!! Knee-Grow don’t ever put your chapped lip wet tongue whisker wearing ass on my face. I don’t know where your lips been. Besides his stomach is a little bigger than I like. However since I can’t afford a tummy tuck I have no right to complain so I keep an open mind.

Throughout the meal he talked about his job, how much money he makes, how his wife won’t give him none & how beautiful I am. Amazingly he does this with his eyes glued to my cleavage the whole time. Ms. G ain’t one to brag but these 42 DD’s ain’t nothing to sneeze at!

After the meal Harvey asks me to ride by one of his recently vacated rental properties with him. I see no harm so I go along. BIG MISTAKE!!! We in the house walking around when the next thing I know, I’m being slammed against the radiator while this fool is attempting to perform a mastectomy with his dry ass knife blade lips!!! Simultaneously his right hand is attempting to stitch a new crotch seam in my Gloria Vanderbilt jeans!!! Oh hell to the NAWL!!!! You do not manhandle the vintage Gloria’s.

Was this his idea of foreplay? No wonder Wifey won’t give his big belly ashy knuckle shirt tucked in wearing ass no coochie!!! That woman probably be in fear for her life!!!

I raised my knee to kick him in his pee wee but honey between that big belly & a virtually non-existent penis, it was no use!!! I was kicking air for days which he mistook for encouragement because he excitedly exclaimed in a breathless whisper “Oh yeah baby, daddy know you want it bad. Don’t rush me I’ma takes my time with all dis here”

Nigga give DMX back his pipe immediately before you get your ass kilt!!! Not killed but KILT!!!! Like they do in southeast!!! I pulled my blade out my bra – Ms G never slips – and scraped that clown right cross his ashy ass knuckles!!!! He let go with the quickness!!!

‘Chile I had to call Ankle Britches so her state trooper boyfriend/fiancé could pick me up at the beltway & Branch Avenue!!! Needless to say this will be the first and LAST clinical study Ms G. performs. This was more embarrassing than the time Ms. Nickelodeon got searched at the airport with a half of tube of “Good Head” cream in her bag!