Office Pic-a-Nic
Well Folks, I have lamented all morning on where, how or if to begin to commentate on Fridays Frolic Fiasco. Should I start by pointing out how it was too damn cold for a picnic anyways! No maybe the fact that the caterer ran out of plates & utensils. How in the HELL do you as a so called professional run out of plates, spoons & forks. Hell Ms. G can get those at the dollar store!
But I’m running ahead so let me take it from the top. First off a large portion of my coworkers cannot drive as they are visually impaired and/or blind. Hell even the ones who can see can’t really drive. Well the picnic announcement email said please make your own transportation arrangements!!! WTF!!! What were they going to do hitchhike? Cane walk down the causeway? Cause I damn sure wasn’t giving ANYONE a ride.
Hemingway – We get to the park & we’re underneath a huge pavilion with a big ass walk in fireplace. Now you know all the “color people” hit that joint like they was giving out free Tyler Perry DVD’s. Baby I just knew Ms. Ankle Britches kinky twists were going to catch on fire. Ms. BBB had herself protected with the big dope boy corner jacket. She was taking no chances on accidental deflation. Lord Jesus on the Cross even Al B. Sure was out. He wouldn’t tell me how he keeps the curls so fresh & shiny, even in the cold. Must carry a mini activator bottle.
I go get my plate and thought these people need they asses whooped two times with extension cords. Obviously they ran out of mayonnaise midway making the potato salad ‘cause it was drier than I would be if Flava Flav (crispy lips rascal) was kissing my neck. Then they had some pasta that looked like rice and tasted like wet 2 day old oodles & noodles. A hot twice fried shitty mess!!! Some soft cook chicken and Eddie Murphy Raw type hamburgers (you remember “Mama this don’t look like McDonalds”) rounded out the course. I refuse to even mention those dumped from the can beans they had. The only good thing was the German sausage – go figure.
Returning to the buffet line for seconds (hey nasty or not it was still free food) I discovered there weren’t any plates left. So I approach a server and inform her we need more plates. This biach looked at me like I was Whitney pre-rehab with two crack pipes.
“We don’t have anymore plates, but you can use these bowls right here”
Baby it took all I had for me not to give that skank ho an Aunt Esther type slap upside the head. The bowls were no bigger than my fist. We would have come out better with Pookie ‘nem catering at least we would have had enough plates and some ‘luminum foil for wrap & go.
I suffered through all this while Peanut was playing that dumb ass polka music. They wouldn’t even let the brother put it on WPGC. Ms BBB didn’t get to shake her hind parts to RE. No percolator for Britches and Tokyo had to hang up his dashiki for a fleece jacket!
All this made me angry so I had to find some release. Ms. G played kickball! Well after the ambulance left with the oxygen everyone returned to the pavilion for dessert. Only to be told by Ms Rasta Dred that dessert would be postponed till Monday because the caterer left & took the remaining knives & bowls!!!! Oh HELL TO THE NAWL!!!!!
That was the last damn straw. Honey Ms G limped her ass to the car and got the hell out of there!!! I got home & pulled that Kendall Jackson out my back pack and got twisted. Oh I know you didn’t think I was leaving empty handed. After running out of shit they owed me that wine!! Next year I’m boycotting!!!
But I’m running ahead so let me take it from the top. First off a large portion of my coworkers cannot drive as they are visually impaired and/or blind. Hell even the ones who can see can’t really drive. Well the picnic announcement email said please make your own transportation arrangements!!! WTF!!! What were they going to do hitchhike? Cane walk down the causeway? Cause I damn sure wasn’t giving ANYONE a ride.
Hemingway – We get to the park & we’re underneath a huge pavilion with a big ass walk in fireplace. Now you know all the “color people” hit that joint like they was giving out free Tyler Perry DVD’s. Baby I just knew Ms. Ankle Britches kinky twists were going to catch on fire. Ms. BBB had herself protected with the big dope boy corner jacket. She was taking no chances on accidental deflation. Lord Jesus on the Cross even Al B. Sure was out. He wouldn’t tell me how he keeps the curls so fresh & shiny, even in the cold. Must carry a mini activator bottle.
I go get my plate and thought these people need they asses whooped two times with extension cords. Obviously they ran out of mayonnaise midway making the potato salad ‘cause it was drier than I would be if Flava Flav (crispy lips rascal) was kissing my neck. Then they had some pasta that looked like rice and tasted like wet 2 day old oodles & noodles. A hot twice fried shitty mess!!! Some soft cook chicken and Eddie Murphy Raw type hamburgers (you remember “Mama this don’t look like McDonalds”) rounded out the course. I refuse to even mention those dumped from the can beans they had. The only good thing was the German sausage – go figure.
Returning to the buffet line for seconds (hey nasty or not it was still free food) I discovered there weren’t any plates left. So I approach a server and inform her we need more plates. This biach looked at me like I was Whitney pre-rehab with two crack pipes.
“We don’t have anymore plates, but you can use these bowls right here”
Baby it took all I had for me not to give that skank ho an Aunt Esther type slap upside the head. The bowls were no bigger than my fist. We would have come out better with Pookie ‘nem catering at least we would have had enough plates and some ‘luminum foil for wrap & go.
I suffered through all this while Peanut was playing that dumb ass polka music. They wouldn’t even let the brother put it on WPGC. Ms BBB didn’t get to shake her hind parts to RE. No percolator for Britches and Tokyo had to hang up his dashiki for a fleece jacket!
All this made me angry so I had to find some release. Ms. G played kickball! Well after the ambulance left with the oxygen everyone returned to the pavilion for dessert. Only to be told by Ms Rasta Dred that dessert would be postponed till Monday because the caterer left & took the remaining knives & bowls!!!! Oh HELL TO THE NAWL!!!!!
That was the last damn straw. Honey Ms G limped her ass to the car and got the hell out of there!!! I got home & pulled that Kendall Jackson out my back pack and got twisted. Oh I know you didn’t think I was leaving empty handed. After running out of shit they owed me that wine!! Next year I’m boycotting!!!
posted by Ms G @ 12:03 AM
1 Comments:
At 10/20/2006 4:06 AM,
Anonymous said…
When Young K Him left, he went to the Crab house SoMd - land of married bothers to sisters and where having less than two teeth missing makes you a high roller, baller and trailer-trash shot caller. The crabs were good and the libation (not lubrication) was great.
I did scan the blind-freak-nik.. oh I mean blind-picnic...uh, I mean picnic for drunkards so that I could call Fairfax po-po to have someone arrested. That would have been fun. Perhaps next year the event could be featured at Haines Point - the place where many a used condoms lay or Anacostia Park - at least you can roller skate in the rink and, if you are lucky, fall into the Anacostia.
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