Voting Day
Ms. G wants to send a big THANK YOU to Lady Carabana and her coworkers, Ms. Peabody, Sunflower & Inspector Gidget. If not for your kindness & financial assistance, Bar-B-Q-King could have never posted my bail. Who knew it was a federal offense to attack a voting ballot machine?
Looking back I prolly shoulda skipped this years election – with the stress from work drama, the fighting all that stuff. But I felt it was my duty to vote. People were lynched, dragged, burned, beaten and dehumanized in order for us to have this privilege. How could I not? Besides I wanted my little sticker.
When I arrived at the polling station I was in a cheerful mood despite my situation. I was going to make a difference. I was going to vote against those who knew Foley was trying to fellate the young fellows. Couldn’t wait to punch the buttons against those who took Abramhoff’s money and didn’t give Ms. G none. And the friends of Tom Delay, ooooooh were they gonna get it.
Sitting at the sign in desk was somebody’s grandmamma with blue hair & an orange sweat suit. I should’ve taken this as a warning sign but my observation was off. She couldn’t seem to find my name or voting card. I politely informed her I was Ms G & everyone knows who I am. She politely informed me she didn’t care if I was “Ms P & everybody poked you. I can’t find your name.” My first instinct was to slap all the blue out her head but I let it ride. She finally found me & I went over to the machine to cast my all important vote.
I was going down the line fine until I got to Steele & Cardin. I figured I would cross party lines & give Steele a vote. I mean Cardin was in Congress all this time partying & carrying on with the other criminals. Well each time I selected Steele’s name, the screen showed Cardin. I kept choosing & choosing & it didn’t work. I wanted Steele. I mean if this man could survive Mike Tyson being his brother-n-law, surely he could survive the Hill. But the machine wasn’t having it.
The same thing happened when I got to the governor selection. Hell there was NO WAY in five hells I was voting for O’Malley! Have you seen Baltimore? The Wire only shows you the good points. Not to mention the guys you meet off Black Planet from there. They broke asses always show up at restaurants eat, then pretend they left their wallets at home. That’s cause ain’t no jobs in Baltimore.
Finally I was so frustrated I started shaking the machine. Then I took my fist & beat on the glass. I banged and banged and banged. That MFR machine still wouldn’t change my vote & then it started beeping. I was hitting that shit like it was my baby daddy late with child support on Christmas Eve. Old Lady Blue ran over to ask me if everything was ok and I told her to get ta stepping. By this point my temperature was boiling.
“I WANT TO VOTE REPUBLICAN!! I WANT TO VOTE REPUBLICAN!!!” I yelled in a manic psycho deranged voice.
Well I must have really scared old blue hair cause the next thing I know the Po Po’s are whacking me on the back of the neck-the fat meat part too- & dragging me out the door. This quickly brought me to my senses. Why was I trying to vote Republican anyway? Haven’t they been the chief crooks the last six years? I begged the police to let me go but you know how PG County roll!!! They asked for money & since I was broke, they kept me there till the Feds showed up. I was tempted to run but them Niggas done shot 7 people in the last two months. I wasn’t taking any chances.
Wednesday morning as I was leaving the federal courthouse downtown I ran into an associate of mine Old Rumi. He was shocked & dismayed when I told him what happened at the polls. He couldn’t believe the machine would dare to defy me or that I was arrested.
“A person with your convictions deserves better than this Ms G. You always stick to your guns. Tell you what; I’m over at the Pentagon running a little war. Why don’t you come work for me?”
“Oh Great!!! Thanks Rumi” I happily reply. I give him a hug & go home to put on my good clothes. A job at the Pentagon!!! Whoa!! All those fine ass men in uniform with all that testosterone just waiting to shoot up something. Ummm ummm ummm!!!
I arrive at the Pentagon in a fresh suit ready to work. Got my pictures & ere thing. As I’m unpacking & getting my self situated I see Old Rumi walking past looking mad as hell. I call out to him and ask him what’s wrong.
“That non-speaking can’t read cowboy boot wearing don’t care bout black folks drunk pretzel choking ass Bush done fired me!!!!”
“What? Damn I’m glad you hired me before you got the ax.”
I spoke to soon. Right behind Rumi came not one but four Pentagon police & three Army sergeants to put my ass out of there. They packed up my little pictures for me. I didn’t even get a chance to make any personal long distance calls or give my family members my 1-800 number!!
“We heard bout you Ms G. Don’t try that shit you pulled at the polls with us cause we ain’t PG County. We soldiers fresh off a stint at Abu Ghraib who won’t hesitate to put a collar on your neck & attach a leash while whipping you with a leather strap!” one of the soldiers announced while giving me the evil eye.”
Like he was saying something. Hell Bar-B-Q-King do that ery Friday like clockwork. But I let it ride. I’m working on my anger management. I’m not giving up on politics though, so keep your eyes open for Ms G on CNN, FOX, NBC and/or COPS one of these days.
Looking back I prolly shoulda skipped this years election – with the stress from work drama, the fighting all that stuff. But I felt it was my duty to vote. People were lynched, dragged, burned, beaten and dehumanized in order for us to have this privilege. How could I not? Besides I wanted my little sticker.
When I arrived at the polling station I was in a cheerful mood despite my situation. I was going to make a difference. I was going to vote against those who knew Foley was trying to fellate the young fellows. Couldn’t wait to punch the buttons against those who took Abramhoff’s money and didn’t give Ms. G none. And the friends of Tom Delay, ooooooh were they gonna get it.
Sitting at the sign in desk was somebody’s grandmamma with blue hair & an orange sweat suit. I should’ve taken this as a warning sign but my observation was off. She couldn’t seem to find my name or voting card. I politely informed her I was Ms G & everyone knows who I am. She politely informed me she didn’t care if I was “Ms P & everybody poked you. I can’t find your name.” My first instinct was to slap all the blue out her head but I let it ride. She finally found me & I went over to the machine to cast my all important vote.
I was going down the line fine until I got to Steele & Cardin. I figured I would cross party lines & give Steele a vote. I mean Cardin was in Congress all this time partying & carrying on with the other criminals. Well each time I selected Steele’s name, the screen showed Cardin. I kept choosing & choosing & it didn’t work. I wanted Steele. I mean if this man could survive Mike Tyson being his brother-n-law, surely he could survive the Hill. But the machine wasn’t having it.
The same thing happened when I got to the governor selection. Hell there was NO WAY in five hells I was voting for O’Malley! Have you seen Baltimore? The Wire only shows you the good points. Not to mention the guys you meet off Black Planet from there. They broke asses always show up at restaurants eat, then pretend they left their wallets at home. That’s cause ain’t no jobs in Baltimore.
Finally I was so frustrated I started shaking the machine. Then I took my fist & beat on the glass. I banged and banged and banged. That MFR machine still wouldn’t change my vote & then it started beeping. I was hitting that shit like it was my baby daddy late with child support on Christmas Eve. Old Lady Blue ran over to ask me if everything was ok and I told her to get ta stepping. By this point my temperature was boiling.
“I WANT TO VOTE REPUBLICAN!! I WANT TO VOTE REPUBLICAN!!!” I yelled in a manic psycho deranged voice.
Well I must have really scared old blue hair cause the next thing I know the Po Po’s are whacking me on the back of the neck-the fat meat part too- & dragging me out the door. This quickly brought me to my senses. Why was I trying to vote Republican anyway? Haven’t they been the chief crooks the last six years? I begged the police to let me go but you know how PG County roll!!! They asked for money & since I was broke, they kept me there till the Feds showed up. I was tempted to run but them Niggas done shot 7 people in the last two months. I wasn’t taking any chances.
Wednesday morning as I was leaving the federal courthouse downtown I ran into an associate of mine Old Rumi. He was shocked & dismayed when I told him what happened at the polls. He couldn’t believe the machine would dare to defy me or that I was arrested.
“A person with your convictions deserves better than this Ms G. You always stick to your guns. Tell you what; I’m over at the Pentagon running a little war. Why don’t you come work for me?”
“Oh Great!!! Thanks Rumi” I happily reply. I give him a hug & go home to put on my good clothes. A job at the Pentagon!!! Whoa!! All those fine ass men in uniform with all that testosterone just waiting to shoot up something. Ummm ummm ummm!!!
I arrive at the Pentagon in a fresh suit ready to work. Got my pictures & ere thing. As I’m unpacking & getting my self situated I see Old Rumi walking past looking mad as hell. I call out to him and ask him what’s wrong.
“That non-speaking can’t read cowboy boot wearing don’t care bout black folks drunk pretzel choking ass Bush done fired me!!!!”
“What? Damn I’m glad you hired me before you got the ax.”
I spoke to soon. Right behind Rumi came not one but four Pentagon police & three Army sergeants to put my ass out of there. They packed up my little pictures for me. I didn’t even get a chance to make any personal long distance calls or give my family members my 1-800 number!!
“We heard bout you Ms G. Don’t try that shit you pulled at the polls with us cause we ain’t PG County. We soldiers fresh off a stint at Abu Ghraib who won’t hesitate to put a collar on your neck & attach a leash while whipping you with a leather strap!” one of the soldiers announced while giving me the evil eye.”
Like he was saying something. Hell Bar-B-Q-King do that ery Friday like clockwork. But I let it ride. I’m working on my anger management. I’m not giving up on politics though, so keep your eyes open for Ms G on CNN, FOX, NBC and/or COPS one of these days.
posted by Ms G @ 5:02 AM
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