The Adventures Of Ms G In The Chocolate City

The funny laugh out loud accounts of Ms G as she makes her way through work, friends, home, life and pain in The Chocolate City! Everything from observations on politics and sports stars. Mama 'nem, pookie and Miss Jenkins. You're sure to get a daily dose of much needed humour.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Statement Of Truth

Friends, Families & Haters,

I have been so upset this week I have been unable to communicate!! It seems some twisted minded nigras is spreading rumors about Ms G. Apparently it is going around that I crashed Gilbert Arenas’ party with Diana Ross and a full entourage. It has also been reported that I was dragged kicking & screaming & cussing with my ass all out & mascara running looking like a broke down Tammy Faye Baker from Club Love!!

First of all NIGRAS, Ms G doesn’t even need nor wear mascara! Secondly I ain’t ever ever ever gotta crash nobody party – Ms G is ALWAYS on the A-List – which means I had a black Arenas Express card! I WAS INVITED!!! If NIGRAS would take the time to investigate before they run around repeating what Pookie ‘Nem said then the truth would come out. I also did not appreciate News 4, 7 and Fox 5 reporting that shit like it was the gospel truth. It is only now today, that I am able to overcome my outrage & give a full TRUTH FILLED account of what happened.

On night of said event, Lady Carabana, BBB, Tokyo the Green-Eyed Bandit, BK Miller, Testy T, Whitley and I made our way to Club Love. I had an invitation & decided to bring some guest. Upon arrival at the door, this lame ass wanna be pimple faced broke no career having ass bouncer tried to flex his muscle. He told me that only one person per invite could get in. Of course I politely pointed out to his ass that the invitation said no such thing. Lady Carabana loudly stated that he “probably couldn’t read anyway” and just keep walking. Well of course I proceeded to enter the club & told my crew to follow. As said bouncer attempted to protest BBB simple flashed him, gave him a fake number & told him meet her in the alley after the club – sucker fell for it.

Hemingway – My friends and I were in the club having a great time enjoying the party until Puff Paddy spotted me. It seems he was still smarting (my Caucasian readers feel me) over my remark about him & Kim Porters kids having some big teeth. Hey if yo’ teefs is big, they just BIG!!! Some inner confusion persuaded that fool to confront me.

“Ms G – Bad Boy – I don’t appreciate – Bad Boy – you talking – Bad Boy – about my kids – Bad Boy, uh huh, uh huh –and their – Bad Boy – teeth!” he rap spoke.

Now normally he would have gotten a foot in the knee caps right off the bat, but I was dressed in my Bulgari best, no time for the foolishness. I decided to walk away. He decided to throw his drink. Well LORD JESUS ON THE CROSS TWO TIMES that fools drink landed in Lady Carabanas hair. Now yall know she is seriously channeling Diana Ross ever since she saw Dreamgirls. That biach went ballistic on Puff Paddy’s black pimple face proactive buying scrub my toenails I’ma pimp ass.

Tokyo & BK tried to get her off of him before security got there but it was too late. She beat that knee-grow like he came & stole her proactive for a commercial shoot. She was swinging & carrying on like a fool. I mean didn’t he know you DO NOT mess up Lady Carabanas hair under any circumstances? Didn’t he know how beautiful she is? Hadn’t he heard about the stampede in Home Depot? Obviously he didn’t consult her Cross Roads fan club before he made the mistake of tossing a drink anywhere near her hair.

By this time we had attracted a crowd. Testy T being her usual self pushed somebody in the back of the neck for stepping on her good shoes. The next thing I know fists are flying & shoes and earrings are coming off. Somebody grabbed my brand new weave & yanked me to the side. My Jimmy Choo Choos went flying off – I was planning on returning those to Neimans for a full refund- and I landed on my ass. When I looked up Kanye West was standing behind me holding a piece of my weave!! Now you know I jumped up & began pummeling his pastel pink wearing ass right in his big ass jaw!

Honey we were rolling around on that floor, and I jumped on his chest & started scratching his eyes out. Well I was no match for Miss Kanye – any man who hits a woman is no man at all – that NIGRAS started screaming like a wild thunder cat banshee & twisted me by the neck & started chewing on my elbows!!! Gilbert was standing there screaming, crying & yelling about us ruining his birthday party. Donna Simpson attempted to console him as he fell to his knees & that just caused him to carrying on more.

To make a long story short, security came over, the DC police and Mark, the clubs owner. I was ESCORTED from the club upright on my two feet. Now Lady Carabana, still upset about her hair, was dragged kicking & screaming ‘cause she wouldn’t let go of Puffy’s chain. Needless to say Ms BBB was nowhere to be found – switch out! I later received email pictures of her, Tokyo, BK Miller and Whitley standing next to the painted party heffas, holding up a piece of my weave with big smiles on their faces!

That night as I tried to fall asleep, I decided that I would no longer talk about people’s chilren, no matter how tore up from the floor up they are. It just a right!!! I’m going to apologize to Puffy & Kim. Just as I began to fall asleep with a smile on my face the damn phone rang.

“Hello”

“Damn Ms G! I heard you got the weave whooped off of you! Are you gone sue? I’ll be your co-defendant.” Bobby Brown asked.

I didn’t bother response. I simply unplugged the phone & said a prayer!

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