Fried Egg Friday
I am so channeling crack head hooker complete with burnt Junior Gong weave today till it ain’t Eeee-Much funny!! It was a rough start for Ms G this morning. After BBQ King’s stellar Keith Sweat performance last night, I was not up for coming into work.
Hemingway- I’m rushing this morning tryna brush my grill, lotion my ash and hot curl my ADORABLE weave when the phone rings. Of course it’s that stupid Bobby “Gap Mouth” Brown saying he heard that my cousin Quiontione in the Bahamas got Anna Nicole baby in protective custody & do I need him to fly over there with me to check things out. I politely cussed his ass out in the most Christian way possible & hung up the phone. That NIGRA!!! I bet my lil cuzo Blasian Prince tipped him off.
I return to the bathroom, grab my marcel curling iron & stick my weave in it. LORD JESUS ON THE CROSS 10 TIMES!!! I nearly broke out in a Michael Jackson moonwalk cause I swear it was like a Pepsi commercial shoot. Smoke was everywhere! And the smell. UMM UMM UMM! Fortunately I was able to douse the flames quickly – with little help from Mr. King I might add. That Nigra was standing there looking at me like he ain’t never seeent such a sight before. Just cause his mama got “good hair” don’t mean that heffa ain’t never burnt it before!!
Now any reasonably sane sistah would have taken this as a sign from God and climbed her black ass back in the bed. But NOOOOOO, not me. I’m tryna impress at my new job (oh yeah I forgot to tell yall there was some work place movements last month – call me 2nite & I’ll fill you in) ‘fore I start calling out ERY Friday. I don’t know these peoples like that yet to start acting up. So I scrape off the burnt hair, rub some Design Essentials oil on it to cover the smell & roll out.
Upon my arrival at work it becomes clear that somebody forgot to inform Ms G that it was bring your child to work day – compliments of the ice storm – and that everybody and his four mammies’ children were going to be next door to Ms G office. Now folks don’t get me wrong, like the song say “Trick love the kids”. It’s just that I ain’t Trick and these ain’t regular kids. Them lil angels (I use the term loosely) was running up and down the hall, yelling, slamming doors & shit!! One of the mommas was standing in the hall like she didn’t know the kids belonged to her. With a dumb ass look that said “Where these bad asses come from?”
Hemingway, all was quiet after I put my shoes back on and locked the door to the room that the kids were in. I bet them heathens & heathettes won’t try me no damn more. Made me hurt my damn hand. MESSAGE: Folks if YT is kind enough to let you bring chilens to work, make sure they asses know how to act. Don’t let them come mess it up for erybody. We all know it only takes one Nigra to ruin it for erybody! Remember the stolen laptops? Right. Need I say more?
After this commotion I definitely needed a damn good lunch. So I took Peanut, Tokyo & BK Miller up on the lunch offer & bounced out (trying out some new language). Before the car could crank up good BK asked if anyone smelled something burning. Of course I knew it was my hair – burnt smell does not disappear easily – but I wasn’t going to admit it. I tried to change the subject but he one of those Nigras that just won’t let shit go. Next thing I know he sniffing behind my headrest like a world class K-9! He was about to point out that it was my hair but I forestalled (I’m in night school) by bringing up his ex girl Nickel. LOL!! Mention women to him and it’s all over. Kept his ass occupied for the rest of the drive.
Needless to say I ate way too much at lunch & new I wasn’t going to do a damn thang for the rest of the day. Luckily when I got back to my desk, the mammies had wised up & moved their kids. I suppose the bruises must have alarmed them. Oh well……beat your kids & Ms G won’t have to. Now I’m gonna find one of these empty ass office chat rooms that don’t know damn body use & take me an afternoon siesta!!
Hemingway- I’m rushing this morning tryna brush my grill, lotion my ash and hot curl my ADORABLE weave when the phone rings. Of course it’s that stupid Bobby “Gap Mouth” Brown saying he heard that my cousin Quiontione in the Bahamas got Anna Nicole baby in protective custody & do I need him to fly over there with me to check things out. I politely cussed his ass out in the most Christian way possible & hung up the phone. That NIGRA!!! I bet my lil cuzo Blasian Prince tipped him off.
I return to the bathroom, grab my marcel curling iron & stick my weave in it. LORD JESUS ON THE CROSS 10 TIMES!!! I nearly broke out in a Michael Jackson moonwalk cause I swear it was like a Pepsi commercial shoot. Smoke was everywhere! And the smell. UMM UMM UMM! Fortunately I was able to douse the flames quickly – with little help from Mr. King I might add. That Nigra was standing there looking at me like he ain’t never seeent such a sight before. Just cause his mama got “good hair” don’t mean that heffa ain’t never burnt it before!!
Now any reasonably sane sistah would have taken this as a sign from God and climbed her black ass back in the bed. But NOOOOOO, not me. I’m tryna impress at my new job (oh yeah I forgot to tell yall there was some work place movements last month – call me 2nite & I’ll fill you in) ‘fore I start calling out ERY Friday. I don’t know these peoples like that yet to start acting up. So I scrape off the burnt hair, rub some Design Essentials oil on it to cover the smell & roll out.
Upon my arrival at work it becomes clear that somebody forgot to inform Ms G that it was bring your child to work day – compliments of the ice storm – and that everybody and his four mammies’ children were going to be next door to Ms G office. Now folks don’t get me wrong, like the song say “Trick love the kids”. It’s just that I ain’t Trick and these ain’t regular kids. Them lil angels (I use the term loosely) was running up and down the hall, yelling, slamming doors & shit!! One of the mommas was standing in the hall like she didn’t know the kids belonged to her. With a dumb ass look that said “Where these bad asses come from?”
Hemingway, all was quiet after I put my shoes back on and locked the door to the room that the kids were in. I bet them heathens & heathettes won’t try me no damn more. Made me hurt my damn hand. MESSAGE: Folks if YT is kind enough to let you bring chilens to work, make sure they asses know how to act. Don’t let them come mess it up for erybody. We all know it only takes one Nigra to ruin it for erybody! Remember the stolen laptops? Right. Need I say more?
After this commotion I definitely needed a damn good lunch. So I took Peanut, Tokyo & BK Miller up on the lunch offer & bounced out (trying out some new language). Before the car could crank up good BK asked if anyone smelled something burning. Of course I knew it was my hair – burnt smell does not disappear easily – but I wasn’t going to admit it. I tried to change the subject but he one of those Nigras that just won’t let shit go. Next thing I know he sniffing behind my headrest like a world class K-9! He was about to point out that it was my hair but I forestalled (I’m in night school) by bringing up his ex girl Nickel. LOL!! Mention women to him and it’s all over. Kept his ass occupied for the rest of the drive.
Needless to say I ate way too much at lunch & new I wasn’t going to do a damn thang for the rest of the day. Luckily when I got back to my desk, the mammies had wised up & moved their kids. I suppose the bruises must have alarmed them. Oh well……beat your kids & Ms G won’t have to. Now I’m gonna find one of these empty ass office chat rooms that don’t know damn body use & take me an afternoon siesta!!
posted by Ms G @ 5:10 AM
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