Jesus Be A Fence

Ok People I am officially changing my name to Traumatic Jon’ta’niece Jones!!!! Why? One may ask. Because! One may answer!!! My life is in a complete downward spiral!! After enduring countless minutes of Floyd Merry Weather Man Sr. (WHAT IN THE 4, 5 HELLS WAS WRONG WITH HIS DAMN HAIR- I MEAN HEAD) this the type of shit Oprah needs to have a Town Hall about!) and Larry Merchant attempting to carry on a conversation all the while channeling a broke down Marion Barry and a somewhat deceased Johnny Carson, all the while suffering 3rd degree underarm burns and some more in other UNMENTIONABLE areas courtesy of NAIR – WARNING BLACK PEOPLE- THAT SHIT AIN’T FOR US!!

And to make matters worse a cameo of Wesley ‘MFR Crispy Chicken Neck’ Snipes popping up on the big screen nearly sent me to the clinic. I felt unclean and violated. Like I needed to run down to the Martin Luther Rosa Parks Jackson Clinic for the Poor and get a shot of penicillin in the ass right away! That Nigra looked like an over sweat gleaned Chinese fry cook who just ran out of seasoning roaches for the cat’sichauan noodles! I simply refuse to acknowledge the pastiness that is John McCain even being there.

I mean here I was stuck at a fight party that could only be described as a cross between The Wire and Driving Miss Daisy while Ms BBB – my new arch nemesis- was bumping implants with J-Ho-Lo & Skeletor (now yall know Marc Anthony looks just like that man) and trading trick secrets with 50 Cent at the MGM!! What have I done wrong to deserve such suffering? Doesn’t all that volunteering with them bad ass kids in Palmer Park count for something? DAMN!

Needless to say I needed my Sunday morning fix of Jesus like Paris Hilton needs a good stiff well placed foot and soap on a rope (yeah Missy Ann got some jail time to do). Hemingway – I headed down to my favorite “Jesus Be a Fence Around Me” gathering spot with Lil G and guests in tow – Lady & Lil Carabana of course. Well it was exactly what I needed! A guest preacher from North Carolina complete with gold tooth and Rickey Smiley hymn recitation!! Perfect. I caught the spirit and held on for dear life.

I don’t believe Lady Carabana got the full effect though. It’s hard to catch the spirit when the Head Ursher Lady got to bang on the door of the mini sanctuary room until you release the porcelain prayer pedestal to someone else. I told her not to eat that McDonalds but you know how greedy folks are. She gone learn.

So far the spirit continues to hold me. God is good, I know he is. If I can endure an after church call from Harvey asking me out for chittlins & ribs – his treat of course, than I can make it through the remainder of the week.