I Knowed There Is a God!!
Hello Family!!! As I was toiling on the plantation today I decided to take a walk in the lily of the fields, or fields of the lily – however that $hit go- and take a look at the beauty of America. Being that my little Bahamian escape did not pan out (the Bahamian government can be pretty strict bout who come up in that piece. They were very polite & smiling the entire time they basically told my @ss to keep it moving). Something about me being on a crime watch list as a known associate of Big Bubb the kingpin. I told them that it must have been another Ms. G they weren’t buying it.
Hemingway – I walked a few paces to the courtyard, took a seat in the shade & observed. The all important YT business men in their Jos. A. Banks & Brooks Brothers suit - some of them with the cheap rubber sole shoes. The women over 40 with their power suits ready to roll with the big boys. The sisters carrying the weight of 40 acres and a mule promises on their backs. The Brothers!!! My Lord the Brothers!!! Don’t let the media fool you with them statistical data numbers they throw out!! There are SOME FINE @SS BROTHERS in the D.C. area wearing a suit to work EVERYDAY!!! And I don’t mean that bright orange jailhouse couture!
Would it be my luck to catch the eye of one of them – Does Georgetown and Barry Farms share equal police protection? You got it! As I’m sitting there minding my own, this stale corn rowed, 2 nickel lacking, radio raheem toting (I kid you not in the days of IPOD & MP3 this MFR was carrying a boom box) ashy knuckle crispy toenail sandal wearing MFR steps his crusty @ss in my visual path with a tired @ss lame
“High ya doing my sista?”
“Well. Thank you.” I stated in a way along with the rolling of my eyes that should’ve conveyed to this capitol cornbread beard MFR to keep it moving. Needless to say Nigras cannot take subtle hints.
“I ‘ont (that’s don’t for my ebonically challenged readers) mean to disturb you but I couldn’t walk pass a certified dime piece like you and not stop.” He of course is smiling and posing like he just dropped some monumental knowledgeable $hit that will cause me to swoon in overwhelming physical desire at any moment!
Despite my dry half smile / smirk the brother believes that he has made progress with this statement. I suppose as I have not cussed him out within the first 30 seconds this is indeed progress for him. He asks if I mind if he sits and regardless of the fact that I emphatically (I am going to expand your vocabulary if it kills me) stated that YES I MIND, he proceeds to place his narrow @ss dangerously close to my personal space circle.
Now normally by this point I would have gotten up & gone the fluck off and left but as I am newly learning the principles of Zen Buddhism I remained in my calm realm of personal reality & proceeded to ignore his stale crunchy @ss.
Needless to say the MFR kept talking so I turned to him and asked him what he really wanted, his purpose etc.
“Well my sista. I’m a man who can recognize a good woman when I see her. (Come again?) Especially one that looks like she can sho ‘nuff throw down in the kitchen. (was this a veiled reference to my ample hips? If so this beef jerky foot Nigra was skating on thin ice) I’d like to get your number and call you or something.”
I simply stared as my brain could not process this nor search for any words in the vast cauldrons of my vocabularic (that is a word cause I said so) mind to respond to this Nigra. He didn’t know if I was an ax murderer, HIV carrier, serial killer or what. I suppose my silence – along with the bright sunshine – must have tricked this clown into thinking I was overawed by his words. That is the only plausible explanation for his next statement.
“I know you is a little shocked right now, cause I know brothers like me usually go for them video model chicks (did this nigra think he was Denzel? Billy Dee?) and don’t give yall extra gravy girls (DID THIS NIGRA JUST REFER TO MS G. AS EXTRA GRAVY? OH HELL TO THE NAWL) too much time, but that ain’t for me. I’m trying to holla at a winner.”
By this time I figured I had to be on some BET show attempt at comedy. This alligator alley lip MFR couldn’t be serious. So I decided to play along. I coyly smiled up at him and all his white corner lip glory and told him I would be more than happy to give him my number. I then proceeded to write down the number to the Whitman Walker Clinic in SE (with all that white lip action he NEEDS to be tested for something).
In his gratitude he attempted to grab my hand but I quickly shot that $hit down. I told him I was a Christian woman & didn’t believe in physical expression before marriage. He asked me if I had eaten yet and would I like to walk somewhere and get some food. Now I know those of you who TRULY know me are saying Ms G done up & lost her last piece of mind. Rest assured I have not. I wasn’t going two steps with this radio carrying white lip having ashy ankle timberland in the summer wearing Nigra. He must have sensed my hesitation because he put on his most brilliant yellow sunflower smiley face proceeded to speak the most ridiculous $hit I have EVER heard out a brother mouth.
“If you take me out to eat, I can get my energy right and make love to all them curves all night.” He said in singing / rap fake Barry White imitation.
LAWD JESUS ON THE CROSS 5 TIMES PLUS PETER, PAUL AND MARY!!! Yall I hopped my @ss up and laughed all the way back to my building while brother white lipped yelled after me to come back so he could show me a real man. Only in America people! I need for Barrack to add stopping this kinda foolishness to his campaign message.
Hemingway – I walked a few paces to the courtyard, took a seat in the shade & observed. The all important YT business men in their Jos. A. Banks & Brooks Brothers suit - some of them with the cheap rubber sole shoes. The women over 40 with their power suits ready to roll with the big boys. The sisters carrying the weight of 40 acres and a mule promises on their backs. The Brothers!!! My Lord the Brothers!!! Don’t let the media fool you with them statistical data numbers they throw out!! There are SOME FINE @SS BROTHERS in the D.C. area wearing a suit to work EVERYDAY!!! And I don’t mean that bright orange jailhouse couture!
Would it be my luck to catch the eye of one of them – Does Georgetown and Barry Farms share equal police protection? You got it! As I’m sitting there minding my own, this stale corn rowed, 2 nickel lacking, radio raheem toting (I kid you not in the days of IPOD & MP3 this MFR was carrying a boom box) ashy knuckle crispy toenail sandal wearing MFR steps his crusty @ss in my visual path with a tired @ss lame
“High ya doing my sista?”
“Well. Thank you.” I stated in a way along with the rolling of my eyes that should’ve conveyed to this capitol cornbread beard MFR to keep it moving. Needless to say Nigras cannot take subtle hints.
“I ‘ont (that’s don’t for my ebonically challenged readers) mean to disturb you but I couldn’t walk pass a certified dime piece like you and not stop.” He of course is smiling and posing like he just dropped some monumental knowledgeable $hit that will cause me to swoon in overwhelming physical desire at any moment!
Despite my dry half smile / smirk the brother believes that he has made progress with this statement. I suppose as I have not cussed him out within the first 30 seconds this is indeed progress for him. He asks if I mind if he sits and regardless of the fact that I emphatically (I am going to expand your vocabulary if it kills me) stated that YES I MIND, he proceeds to place his narrow @ss dangerously close to my personal space circle.
Now normally by this point I would have gotten up & gone the fluck off and left but as I am newly learning the principles of Zen Buddhism I remained in my calm realm of personal reality & proceeded to ignore his stale crunchy @ss.
Needless to say the MFR kept talking so I turned to him and asked him what he really wanted, his purpose etc.
“Well my sista. I’m a man who can recognize a good woman when I see her. (Come again?) Especially one that looks like she can sho ‘nuff throw down in the kitchen. (was this a veiled reference to my ample hips? If so this beef jerky foot Nigra was skating on thin ice) I’d like to get your number and call you or something.”
I simply stared as my brain could not process this nor search for any words in the vast cauldrons of my vocabularic (that is a word cause I said so) mind to respond to this Nigra. He didn’t know if I was an ax murderer, HIV carrier, serial killer or what. I suppose my silence – along with the bright sunshine – must have tricked this clown into thinking I was overawed by his words. That is the only plausible explanation for his next statement.
“I know you is a little shocked right now, cause I know brothers like me usually go for them video model chicks (did this nigra think he was Denzel? Billy Dee?) and don’t give yall extra gravy girls (DID THIS NIGRA JUST REFER TO MS G. AS EXTRA GRAVY? OH HELL TO THE NAWL) too much time, but that ain’t for me. I’m trying to holla at a winner.”
By this time I figured I had to be on some BET show attempt at comedy. This alligator alley lip MFR couldn’t be serious. So I decided to play along. I coyly smiled up at him and all his white corner lip glory and told him I would be more than happy to give him my number. I then proceeded to write down the number to the Whitman Walker Clinic in SE (with all that white lip action he NEEDS to be tested for something).
In his gratitude he attempted to grab my hand but I quickly shot that $hit down. I told him I was a Christian woman & didn’t believe in physical expression before marriage. He asked me if I had eaten yet and would I like to walk somewhere and get some food. Now I know those of you who TRULY know me are saying Ms G done up & lost her last piece of mind. Rest assured I have not. I wasn’t going two steps with this radio carrying white lip having ashy ankle timberland in the summer wearing Nigra. He must have sensed my hesitation because he put on his most brilliant yellow sunflower smiley face proceeded to speak the most ridiculous $hit I have EVER heard out a brother mouth.
“If you take me out to eat, I can get my energy right and make love to all them curves all night.” He said in singing / rap fake Barry White imitation.
LAWD JESUS ON THE CROSS 5 TIMES PLUS PETER, PAUL AND MARY!!! Yall I hopped my @ss up and laughed all the way back to my building while brother white lipped yelled after me to come back so he could show me a real man. Only in America people! I need for Barrack to add stopping this kinda foolishness to his campaign message.
posted by Ms G @ 5:29 AM
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