It’s amazing to me how you can go through a complete life altering heart wrenching tragedy and all people care about are the gory details. Never mind the fact that I have spent the last week & ½ half on tranquilizers. Never mind that rehashing that AWFUL police incident to my friends, fans & foes has caused Ms G great distress and much angst (hooked on phonics)! Nope! Gory details. All that matters.

Well as I told you last time the PoPo’s busted in the crib, guns drawn, S.W.A.T geared to the max. Of course I collapsed in a dead heap clutching my pearls, only to be brought around facing two of the sexiest brothers I have seen in a minute. Fortunately for them youngins I’se married now – and don’t pick fruit that ain’t hanging on a tree I own.

Hemingway – as usual YT picked this dramatic of moments to ask a question of the most obvious answer:

“Why didn’t you answer the door?” asked what I assumed to be the head YT Folk in charge.

“We don’t do that. I don’t know what yall do & what you see in the movies, BUT US? WE DON’T DO THAT!!! We don’t come down to ask “Whose there? What do you want?” We don’t go check things out or exclaim “stop messing around guys”. WE DON’T DO THAT!!” I angrily exclaimed

Of course the two sexy brothas couldn’t help but laugh ‘cause they knew exactly what I was talking about. There’s a coded language among black folk – yes even the bourgeois – which we all speak. That we all understand. And we all know damn well black folk run the other damn way at the first sign of some shit that ain’t right. We ain’t calling on Bob to “hey let’s go check it out” or wondering if “someone could be hurt”. No WE IS RUNNING!!! Splitting verbs and miles.

To put it all in a nut shell. These MFR’s camped out in my bedroom – yes on my 600 thread count Zadora Egyptian cotton beddings - waiting for the simple MFR cross the street, Mr. Pow Pow to come out. I was stuck all day!! Missed work – but you know that wasn’t a problem (my boss thought I was making up a bad excuse anyway) and was HONGRY as hell. Plus them trifling asses went cross the street & get snacks & shit & didn’t give me ANY!! Now you know I cut up royally till I at least ended up with a banana and a bottle of water.

Now there you have it and this is THE LAST TIME I will revisit this issue. I can no longer discuss it lest I became shell shocked or some shit. So don’t ask me “if they gone pay for your door” or all the other nonsense yall been worrying me about!!!!!!

Mama Nem & Daddy Gun – STOP telling all yall church members’ bout your daughter being held hostage for 15 hours. I wasn’t a hostage and it was only 6 ½.

Lady Carabana – STOP calling me telling me what you bet they wouldn’t have done to your door, & how you would be down at Jack ‘Weed Lip’ Johnson’s county office before it opened good demanding your money & some justice. I have neither the time, constitution nor fortitude that you do to carry out such protest.

Lil G – NO I did not vid it with my cell phone so stop begging for footage to place on your My Space & text to your friends. Weren’t you a little concerned about your mother’s safety?

Whitley – STOP laughing. It was NOT funny! I am NOT a drama queen!!

Now I am going to return to my regular format of talking bout these nasty co-workers having relations in the bathroom, stealing supplies & wearing they club outfits to work & then wondering why people looking at them.

Barricade at Baghdad

Sometimes there are signs. Sometimes there are big signs. Sometimes there is nothing at all. Well yesterday was one of those damn NOTHING AT ALL DAYS!!!! No type of warning to indicate that I was going to be within an inch of my life!!! Oh the TRAUMA of it all!!!!

Thursday morning I was minding my own damn business, hitting my own damn snooze button in the privacy of my own damn home. Out of the blue I hear cussing & fussing at 6:45 A.M.!!! 6:45!!! I automatically knew without peeping through the blinds that it was the NIGRAS across the street. They only been here 3 months and had already disturbed the quiet serenity of the neighborhood. Be it supreme ghettotivity by sitting out front in the garage on a cell phone with a bottle of beer and a cigarette hanging from the lip while making the whole street privy to a conversation. Or the girlfriend crying bloody "LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY LIP" five o’clock in the morning to whosonever would listen to her dumb ass after Pookie had passed out the weekly beat down

I mumbled something to BBQ King about "simple nigras" and rolled to the bathroom. As usual he ignored me & proceeded out the door to work. Sometime between brushing and rinsing above mentioned female ran out of the house followed by two half dressed boys screaming & crying. Lord Jesus on the Cross two times was these Nigras taking it to the next level. I peep out the window to witness Shaquita the Fist Eater lying prostrate on one of the park benches wailing like a burnt eye banshee. Well I suppose this pissed Pookie the Terminator off because that Nigra came out the house with a pistol!!

"So you think I’ma bitch? Am I bitch now!!" he shouted while firing off rounds from what sounded like the little gun in Harlem Nights. You know the scene where Arsenio is trying to kill Eddie cause he thinks Eddie killed his brother and you here this rapid machine gun fire. Then when that stops the little guy shoots "pow pow". Well I know you laughing but unlike the movie this shit wasn’t funny!!!

After I climbed out the tub(you know you sposed to hide in the tub when people shooting) and passed it off as maybe he threw firecrackers at her (I just could not bring my mind to accept that shooting was taking place on my street. I was in deep denial), I proceeded to get ready for work. Ten minutes later (Yall know PG police don’t get NOWHERE on time) I hear a hundred sirens up on the corner & a helicopter in the sky. First the ghetto family morning show and now somebody done up & robbed Shoppers. Let the summer crime games begin. So I continue ironing my clothes until I hear dogs barking at my back gate and officer radio transmissions. OH HELL TO THE NAWL!!! The robbers done ran over here.

I IMMEDIATELY dialed 911 to ask them what the hell was going on. The operator says she don’t know but "residents are advised to remain inside & away from doors and windows." Now folks what in the HELL kind of FOOLWANG advice is that? She might as well had said "Annie Mae just please eat the cake" like Frost did AFTER Ike had beat that ass!!!

Well being the Black Woman that I am I immediately went to my back window & peeped out. The PoPo’s was all parked up on my grass (I took pictures cause they gone pay for my landscaping) with the dogs running round barking & they running through the trees & waving & hand dancing like they flipping birds & throwing up gang signs.

After 20 minutes of calling all over town for somebody to tell me what was going on in my own back yard I figured out they were trying to get the fool across the street. Yeah, Mr. Pow Pow. Of course they weren’t having any luck. So I plopped on my floor & decided to watch the show from beneath my bedroom blinds. ALL OF A SUDDEN I feel my house walls shaking & hear a whole heap of commotion coming from downstairs. Hell no I DID NOT go down to see what or who it was. I ran in Lil G room and locked the door. After getting my ankles stuck (I won’t even tell yall what happened to my butt & the back of my neck) tryna squeeze under her bed I figured I’d better call 911.

"911 what’s your emergency"

"Lord Ham Mercy somebody tryna get in my house. I don’t know if it’s the police or the killer. Please HELP!!! SOMEBODY!!! OH JESUS!!! BIGMAMA!!" I shouted like a welfare recipient who didn’t recertify on time.

"Mam! CALM DOWN! Where are you?" 911 operator replied

"Yall know where the hell I’m at you got my house surrounded!"

"Let me contact the officers on scene to verify if they are indeed coming in. In the meantime please go in a room where you can lock the door and secure yourself."

Now yall obviously this biach thought she was talking to an amateur. She don’t know Miss G been in enough police raid situations to know what to do - in a past life of course. I put my ear to the door & could hear those fools running up the stairs yelling "POLICE"!

I run out the room down the steps the whole time shouting "I’M HOME! I’M HOME!! PLEASE DON’T SHOOT ME OFFICERS!" I hear them pounding up the stairs from my basement & I open the door. All I remember were black guns, metal helmets, someone yelling "GET DOWN" and the sexiest pair of green/brown/hazel eyes combination I had ever seen. I supposed I must have passed out - in pink very unflattering pajama set covered in blossoms that had me looking like a discolored apple bottom sunflower seed - because the next thing I know I’m being fanned awake by a chocolate 6'5 brother I would kill my Mama to cook some collard greens and cornbread for!!

Umm just writing & rehashing this is getting to me. I’m going to have to go take some nerve pills so I can finish part two for yall ‘da morrow!! If anybody got a bottle of that Patron bring it over. Call first cause my nerves is bad & I don’t want to shoot nobody by accident.

Southern Sunrise

Hey yall!! I'm still on vacatio0n in an undisclosed locatation. You don't need to know where I am or who I'm with - suffice it to say. IT AIN'T YOU!!!!! I'll tell yall bout these nigras when i get back. Let's just say Mikey Mouse will never be the same.