Don't Mess With My Toot Toot

Well Family, Once again another Black Man, a Brotha has fallen victim to extreme violence. The death of Sean Taylor has been all over the news. My prayers go out to his family. Browsing the net this morning for my daily news & information fix, the story of his death was plastered everywhere. It was disheartening & disturbing until I didn’t want to surf the net anymore. That is until I came across the story below. Sometimes, some dumb $hit comes along that can really take your mind off the pain for a moment.

Cops: McDonald's Workers Attacked by Cross-Dressers:

MEMPHIS, Tenn. — A troublesome trio did they call these NIGRAS a troublesome Nearly peed on myself reading this part of transvestites allegedly laid siege (laid siege – now really) to a Memphis McDonald's restaurant Sunday night, sparking a brawl with the restaurant's crew, according to reports.


Police said they were working on a more detailed description of three men dressed in drag who came into a McDonald's restaurant and started swinging. (To translate in hood terms – 3 sissies {don’t send me any threatening emails bout my choice of words)dressed like some Ho’s, walked up in that biach to whoop that trick – get em)
Restaurant employee Martez Brisco (Martez? A black mama will get fancy with a name in a minute)was working the drive-through window when he reportedly got into an argument with the suspects (Now anybody with some sense know damn well you don’t start no $hit with no sissy. They will CUT YOU!!).

When Brisco ignored them tapping at the window, they came in. ( Now see they shoulda whipped his @ss twice for this right here!!! Them Fast Food Workers always be tryna pluck somebody MFR nerve. That’s why they 8th grade @sses always getting cussed out. Yall know I’m telling the truth. I can’t count the number of times I have nearly jumped in a drive thru window cause a biach got my $hit backwards and trust to speak wrong out they mouth to me – THE CUSTOMER- like they ain’t understand I was responsible for that $5.25 that showed up on them paychecks!!!)

"They come to the window, 'Tap, tap, tap.' I'm still ignoring them," Brisco told WMC-TV. "I guess that just pissed them off worser." (I KNOW THIS NIGRA DIDN’T SAY WORSER? Umm umm umm!!! Martez, Martez that’s why you IS at McDonalds now

The transvestites allegedly struck the manager with a tire iron (DAMN!!! They ain’t have no cut costs with his @ss. I wonder why none of the other customers didn’t intervene at this point? No good Samaritans in the house? I guess they had some damn sense or were tryna get it all with they cell phone cameras.) and when he swung back (now peoples, let this be a lesson to you. If a bunch of sissies dressed like some Ho’s come into your establishment, vicinity or what ever and hit you…….?! Please, PLEASE, PLEASE don’t even think about hittin them MFRs back. Them NIGRAS can fight. And once again for those that don’t know – THEY WILL CUT YOU!!)the drag queens took off their stiletto boots, (I DONE WET MY PANTS) removed their earrings and prepared to attack. (Lawd A’Mercy them Batty boys wasn’t playing!!! They was SKRAIGHT hood! The article doesn’t mention it but I’M sure –like them 100% ho’s on Maury - that Vaseline was nearby)


The manager, Albert Bolton, was covered with scratch marks after suspects clawed him with their fingernails. (I can’t even comment on this $hit right here, cause he know damn well…..I’ma just let yall finish the obvious on this one)

Bolton grabbed a pot of scalding french-fry grease and hurled it at his attackers. (And I bet his bama @ss missed) One of the cross-dressers then smacked Bolton with a wet floor sign, (At this point in the story I am damn near catatonic from laughing so hard!! A wet floor sign? Jesus!!! I can picture that pony tail quick weave ashy ankles @ss ghetto diva smacking the $hit out his @ss while signifying to his/her/he/she comrades “Oh no he didn’t!!! “) sending him to the hospital in an ambulance.


Before driving off, the three attackers smashed the drive-through window. (“TAKE THAT BIACHES!” Yall know that’s what they said)

Be Thankful

Sometimes I wonder why I choose to participate in the world of everyday life. With all the foolishment going on in the world it’s too much sometimes. I was in CVS picking up my percocet (I NEEDS IT) and there was this chick had to be bout a good 45 standing in line loudly ranting on her cell phone (some of my readers believe blacks shouldn’t be allowed to own cell phones. Listening to her was bout to cause me to support that theory). Shaking her head crying, wailing about how she couldn’t believe someone could be so nasty. I thought oh this poor woman someone must have really been mean to her. Come to find out this biach was crying because Comcast cut off her cable before she could get her check. She had the nerve to be outraged because she called them to make payment arrangements till her check came & it wasn’t her fault the check was late cause she didn’t know she needed to recertify. Umm excuse me Ms Smelling Like Badussy; it is not the taxpayer’s responsibility to foot your cable bill. That money is for Lil Junie, Kay Kay, Man Man & Poo Poo to have coats for the winter.

Then a certain associate (yes biach you have been downgraded) had the audacity to call me bout marching with Rev Perm and the crew round the Justice department. Now peoples don’t get me wrong, I AM ALL for the cause. HOWEVER in MFR 35 degree weather that $hit is a mute point. The nerve!!! NEXT!! Michael Baisden can call on Family all he wants but this Sistah don’t do anything under 70. Them NIGRAS know better.

Just when I think I can calm down & regroup from the foolishment, I get a MFR letter telling me I gotta go out Uppa Marrllboro (Upper Marlboro for non-locals) to the courthouse, cause the Bey Beys aren’t up to code on their shots. If I or BBQ King fails to appear we could be held in contempt of court, fined and or imprisoned. Up to code? Fined! IMPRISONED! What in the left over congealed fried chicken grease hell…..??? That crispy lip run a tractor trailer through his wide nose @ss Jack Johnson need to find something to do with himself!

With all the damn carjackers, murderers, robbers, killers, illegal aliens, and all the other $hit happening in PG County this BISCUIT SIDE EYE NIGRA ain’t got nothing else to do but lock up parents? I immediately called up lip mania’s office to give him a piece of my mind. Well his secretary didn’t take to kindly to my “tone of voice” and reminded me that a threat on a public official is not taken lightly. My first instinct was to cuss her black ass out but then I thought about Turkey day and didn’t want to take a chance on eating dried cornbread in a bright orange county original designer suit.

Although I didn’t show out – still - I am going to tell you all Happy Thanksgiving now just in case I’m not around for Turkey Day – I missed the court date, it was too damn cold to get up & get down there at 8:30. Although no one has come for me yet, you never know. It’s a lot easier for PG Police to pick me up than to chase down MS-13 members, carjackers & the person who shot that poor cell phone store owner.

So I leave you with these words of wisdom. Be thankful for family – even the ones that cause you to deadbolt your bedroom when they come through. Be thankful for friends including those that will drop dime on you in a heartbeat if it keeps them from going down. But most of all be thankful for freedom. At the rate things are going JJ LIPingston will have all us locked up before the New Year clock strikes 12:01!

Dear Be-YAWN-Say

Dear Be-YAWN-Say,

I was watching your American Express commercial the other night and I wanna know how can I roll like you roll? I mean with my current situation of temporary handi-cap-ness I need some personal assistant type $hit. I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors about me breaking my ankle while skiing at Puffy’s Swiss Chalet (totally false!!! I don’t do Puff Patty -he suspect) and all that. Yes I’ve suffered a tragic, life altering, injury that has caused me to do a lot of soul searching. Therefore I have plenty of time to watch T.V.


Well I watched your commercial and saw how all the peoples & ‘nem be catering to you & I was feeling left out!!! For example when I hopped in Target the other day and asked for the little driving cart, nobody ran over to help me. Them sorry Nigras pointed at the cart & I had to hop over & unplug that biach myself and slide on it the best way I could. Of course the speed knob on that sucker was broke (you know the Target on Campus Way is SKRAIGHT hood) and I damn near ran over 5 or 6 people cause it was stuck on high speed. So I simply drove thru that biach yelling BEEP BEEP at the top of my lungs. I ended up knocking all they $hit down in the feminine hygiene section cause nobody would reach up to the top shelf for me. So I took my crutches & kept knocking on items till the Summers Eve I wanted fell down.


I also noticed how the lil Chica Rica maid at the fancy hotel in your commercial served you tea and asked if you wanted turn down service. Now in my house, I’m lucky to get a bottle of water. I mean not only did I have to go to Giant and drive one of those damn lil carts again (I only ran over one person this time), plus take all the kids with me to purchase my groceries. I have to hop around in the kitchen trying to make me fried bologna & egg sandwiches while gripping my crutches to keep from falling face first into the stove. So far I’ve been successful just a few burns on my thumbs & some skin missing off my elbow but that’s minor. As for as turn down service I simply crawl to my floor pallet and cover up with Lil Peasly’s Spider Man blanket. My arm is my pillow.


Sorry B-YAWN-Say I lost my train of thought in the middle of this letter. I received to very disturbing phone calls while I was typing. I swear Nigras always ignoring my advice and getting theyselves (yes I’m feeling my southern vernacular today) into situations and then calling me in a panic. Super Slim took her ANTM shape to Ft Pierce & got lost in the hood. Then her simple ass come calling me for directions like she ain’t got GPS in her Tahoe. I asked her why she didn’t use it & her reply was "it cost". DUH!!!! I know you don’t have that problem though cause you got Camel boy (Jigga) and a camel can find they way ANYTwhere.


Soon as I finish directing her up out the police cordoned area to Muscle Mike house, Jamaican Jerk - that’s my cousin Carabana boyfriend come calling me talking bout this biach done fell out in the middle of the road like Celie did when Shug left. Apparently she narrowly avoided a terrible FINANCIAL FIASCO and was overwhelmed with relief.


B-YAWN just please come by & scoop me one day so I can get a taste of the good life. I notice you always on T.V. talking bout how you helps the poor, and the kids & cripples peoples and what nots. If you can’t come by if you can send a few dollars that will help to. I have to go crawl upstairs now so I can fix me a fried bologna & cheese sandwich and some red kool-aid (that’s my dinner special).


Signed Trapped in Skate World