Hi Folks. As I set down today to write a positive line or two with a sprinkle of humor for your enjoyment, I found myself unable to do so. You see previous incidents was weighing heavily on my mind & would not allow me to remain in my new spiritual awakening of ones better self (damn I sound good. I need to write a book).
Hemingway – leave it up to Nigras to screw up your positive thought process each and every time!! Nigras just won’t let you be happy, sad, joyful - nothing in peace. Hell Nigras just won’t let YOU BE – PERIOD!!!! For example take my nanny, Mrs. HoodFire (yeah YT had Mrs. Doubtfire – I got …well..) a perfect example of the true NIGRA mentality (I would use the full N-Word but I promised Rev Perm and the Black Peoples Coalition for the Betterment of Black / Negro / African American / Colored Peoples to refrain from doing so) . Now when I first hired this hungry heffa she was all work & no play. I mean I came home to a clean house, clean kids, clothes ironed – the works. Alas as time passed & she considered herself “in there like that” the Nigratality (that’s right I’m giving that $hit a scientific moniker – no I will not define moniker in the subtext, look it up & stop being a Nigra - of who she was reared it’s nappy neck.
I come home one day & this Sanctified keep my nails and hair DID Heffa is sitting in MY living room, on MY PLUSH NATUZZI LEATHER COUCH – that I ain’t even finish paying for!!! Listening to my BOSE stereo at optimum volume, with her hard ghetto sidewalk shuffling crusty toe foots stretched cross my Liberian Swirl hand looped Asiatic cush walk throw rug with a Pepsi, some MMs and reading my damn Jet magazine. The kids was missing in action and this biach had the Nigratality to smile and say “Horw yer doing!!!”
You’re thinking I fired her on the spot, right? WRONG!!! Wrong as hell! Ms. G ain’t no fool. That biach is straight hood, got some SKRAIGHT hood chilrens and lives off of Nash in S.E... She is NOT the type of Nigra you fire on the spot. All I could do was have a nice chat with her and hope she wasn’t doing the same $hit the next time I came home early. Besides I might need her if any of the new rough “renters” in the neighborhood try to jump bad – I’ll just yell “Mrs. HoodFire” and I’m sure it would be on in popping! She’s let me know before her mama told her “if somebody mess with you take a bottle and bust ‘em in they MFR head!” This was said with a lot of Nigra eye popping, neck rolling and teeth sucking so I know she took that $hit to heart.
Nigras displaying extreme Nigratality traits are planning to take over the world and right now it seems they are starting with PG County. Every time a ‘for rent’ sign goes up in my neighborhood I cringe!!! ‘Cause I know what’s coming. See when Nigras rent $hit, they don’t care bout trash in the yard, leaves on the sidewalk, they friends blowing in the middle of the night – they Nigras. Even the children act like fools. We had one lil set of bad MFRs that was harassing my little people everyday. Lil People 1 thru 5 would run home each afternoon like they had fought their way through Buckwheat and the Black Bo Peep plus some Crips and Bloods. Seems Nigra Jr. & Nigra-lette decided to jump my lil people. You know I was hot.
So I hop in my car (yeah I could have walked around the corner but in case the need arose for a quick getaway…..you know what I’m inferring), drive to the house of the offenders and bang on the door. This buff @ss corn flake eatin out a mixing bowl Supa Nigra answer the door and before I could say a word he starts:
“Yeah I knew dem kids mama or somebody was gone come round here. I saw my kids fighting them through the window but I couldn’t come out and stop it.”
At the completely perplexed look on my face this Nigra shakes his head and points to an alarmed tracking/criminal electronic status locator monitor secured to his ankle. In other words this Nigra was on house arrest his damn self (I thought about slapping him & his bad @ss children and running but thought better since this Nigra might subscribe to the Plies Probation Theory – if you don’t know ask DJ Khaleed)!!! How the FLUCK can the kids act right if the parents ain’t bout $hit? Yall I couldn’t even be mad anymore. Buckwheat & Bo Peep couldn’t act better cause they didn’t know what better was. Just another sad example of Nigratality.
Them I felt pity for. But some NIGRAS, YOU CAN’T FEEL A GOT DAMN THING FOR!!! Like the ones that were parked in our development last night blasting Back Yard at 1:15 in the A.M. waking me from my peaceful slumber in the arms of BBQ King! When I jumped out of bed & crawled to the window- I know yall MFRs ain’t think I just ran & opened the window…..if you did, you’re dumber than I thought. Nigras quick to shoot you for looking out your own window where you pay taxes at! Hemingway, like I was saying I crawled to the window and lay sideways so I could peak underneath the blinds without moving them. Who do I see but Tre-yond, Don-Tae-Vee-Uuusss, Kee-On-Tay and Lil Spook-Jam sitting in they big Caprice Classic bluntin out bobbing they damn heads like they was front row at the Reeves center.
Immediately I dialed 911. The operator informed me that someone would come out but it wouldn’t be immediately as this was not a life threatening occurrence. I politely informed that simple Ebonics queen that it WOULD soon be life threatening if someone didn’t remove these NIGRAS from the premises E-MEAT-LY cause I was “gone be outside hollering and busting on them nigras!” Once I broke it down in her native tongue she got the point. I also reminded her to tell them dumb @ss police don’t come knocking on my damn door while the criminals were still there basically making me a prime target of the stop-snitching campaign!
Needless to say PG’s Finest took their time but at least they did make it before the criminals had time to carjack or home invade anyone. The crooks moved along – although I would have preferred an arrest, but they were probably somebody on the police force cousin from N.E. , so I just made my way back to bed. As I tumbled off to sleep I decided that a study in Nigrality was needed to determine if corrective action and/or reverse learned behavioral adaptation was possible for the Nigra outside his natural habitat. IF and WHEN I figure it out I’ll be sure to let the rest of yall know.
